15
Dec 09

Welcome to Boston Mike Cameron

redsoxfanIn case you haven't heard the best team in baseball have signed Mike Cameron in a wicked pissa deal to be their newest future Hall of Famah, that totally locks up the 2010 championship. Ya frickin' douchebag of a editah was too busy cryin' in his beer cheese soup to update today so he ask me ta do it. And lemme tell ya, I haven't been this excited since the Sawks won the Series. Mike Cameron is a killa ballplayah and the smahtest fans in baseball will appreciate him way moah than you Milwaukee loozahs.

This move couldn't have come at a bettah time to furtha establish Boston's dominance over all tha othah cities. The Pats are cruising their way to anothah playoffs,  just playing coy until the time is right to take down Peyton Manning and the Colts. The Celtics have won eleven in a row and probably won't lose evah again. Da Broons are dominatin' the NHL like the glory days of Bobby Orr. The Sawks adding Cameron is the perfect toppah to what looks to be another championship year for the greatest city in America, Baston Mass! Continue reading →


10
Dec 09

What are you running for, Corey Hart?

I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

Phillies Brewers Baseball

Hi, I'm Corey Hart of the Milwaukee Brewers and I want to be your next county commissioner. Are you tired of those potholes on route 11? Are you sick of the graffiti on traffic signs? Can you tell me a good reason we can't turn left on Sage when coming from Swallowtail Drive? Are you, like me, fed up with my opponents lies and rhetoric when it comes to the well being of our beloved county? If you're not you should be and that's why I need good people like you to come support me in this crucial election to decide our county's future. Let's look at the facts. Continue reading →


13
Nov 09

So ladies, you want to date Miller Park Drunk huh?

sixteencandlesI have this friend and her friend loves this site. Like loves it, loves it. This person (who I have never met) loves the site an therefore loves me. No, seriously. It's true. I am not making this up. In fact of the 480 facebook fans we have a whopping 32% of them are female! That's like 153 girls reading this site! Do you realize what this all means? Chicks frickin' dig me.

Now look girls I know that you think this is all fun and games, but this is serious business. I'm not some trollop you can just post a few comments on his website and next thing you know I'm taking you out to dinner at a fancy restaurant like Red Lobster. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I have feelings, I have emotions, I cried at the end of Wall-E! I'm sophisticated, I watch Mad Men! You can't just mosey on in with your sexy facebook profile pictures and think you're going to horn in on all my riches and move into my lush two bedroom apartment. No, you have to be a special kind of lady to get involved with this guy. There was this one time in high school when my best friend and I made a bet that I couldn't turn the ugliest girl in school (and she was really ugly too, pig tails and glasses! gross!) into the prom queen. Well, I changed that girl and she ended up being beautiful, but she didn't win the prom, she won my heart. I made that bet before I knew her, before I really knew me and that was the night that I realized that it's not what's on the outside that counts. It's what's on the inside.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Ahem.

Where was I at? Prom? I wonder what ever happened to that girl. Yeah, like I was really going to art school with her. Idiot. Wait, that wasn't it. Oh yeah, chicks digging me that are reading this site.

Girls if this is something that you're really interested in doing I have a few guidelines I'd like for you to follow. A few dealbreakers. A few tips. If you think you're serious about this read ahead, but proceed with caution. It's about to get real. Continue reading →


09
Nov 09

Carlos Gomez: Miller Park Drunk vs Al’s Ramblings

Twins Go Go Gomez BaseballI've been reading Al's Ramblings over the weekend and I was shocked at how Al was slowly convincing himself that he really liked this trade. I mean, this is the same guy who thought Corey Hart would be a good center field option and now he's down with a .287 on base percentage? This didn't seem right to me so I shot him an email and decided to engage in a little conversation with him (like we did before). Here's what we came up with. Beware nerdy baseball talk ahead.

MPD: Alright Al I have a bone to pick with you about this Hardy/Gomez trade. Sure, it's a cheap alternative who is great at defense (just like the cheap alternative that is great at defense we have at shortstop), but you of all people should hate this trade. After all you are the one who is constantly talking up the excellence of OXS in predicting runs and you are the one who takes joy in the failures of Jack Wilson. Now, you're okay with a lineup where 1/3 of the players in it have a combined OPS of 650-700 (and that's without including the pitcher.) Seriously, look at this group as it stands now: Continue reading →


22
Oct 09

Phillies bring home NL championship, Philly brings me gifts

In my "Who ya got?" post I wrote this about the Phillies:

if they win there is a good chance we will get another video like this which would be awesome because I LOVE this video.

God, I love that video.

Well, last night the Phillies locked up their 2nd straight NL championship becoming the first team in 13 years to go back to back in the National League. Quite the accomplishment. Not to be outdone, the city of Philadelphia has given us not one, not two, but THREE FIVE videos for our immense entertainment. Why did I ever root against these guys again? Continue reading →

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