23
Jul 13

Chris Benoit

It's no secret that I love wrestling. I reference it all the time and I write about it on the side. It's my thing, but there was once a time when I thought I would never watch wrestling again and that's when Chris Benoit killed his family and himself.

My girlfriend at the time was pregnant with my child that I was completely unprepared for and our relationship was a bit... let's say rocky. My irresponsibility combined with her pregnancy brain and worries about the future combined with the general instability of our relationship in general had us on the rocks. Things weren't really looking good, but we were trying to make it work. For the kid maybe or ourselves or more likely because not trying and dealing with it seemed so damn horrible. We set up a date where we'd get dinner and she'd let me watch Raw and we'd just hang out. Try to have fun, try to have a good time, try to talk. ryanguilty

Before she came over I went online and got a message from my friend Graeme that Chris Benoit was dead and so was his family. I was in shock. This was one of my absolute favorite wrestlers and he was dead. Was he murdered? Was it a gas leak? I felt really bad. Our plans would have to change. I didn't want to eat. I was sad that this wrestler dude who had been apart of my life every week for nearly ten years was gone. Graeme, another guy Brando and I chatted online for hours as the news slowly trickled in. We watched the Raw that was a tribute to him and that slowly became the worst idea ever as before it was over the truth came out: Benoit murdered his family and then killed himself. He was the worst person ever. I felt horrible. I went from sad to depressed to sad and depressed that I was sad and depressed over a murderer. I couldn't experience joy. I jut felt sick to my stomach and I hated everything about life and this world and the way things are. This, as you can imagine, did not sit very well with the mother of my future child. She couldn't understand how I could be so upset about someone I didn't even know. She wanted me to pay attention to her and be attentive and not be so caught up in this fake world. Wrestling was on TV, but she was right there and I couldn't see what was happening right in front of my face. She didn't get it and that night after one of my favorite wrestlers of all time murdered his family and himself, we broke up. A bad night made worse.

After that I couldn't watch wrestling for a long time. It was a constant reminder of those bad memories and it wasn't fun for me anymore. I stopped playing wrestling games, I stopped reading news and results, got rid of my shirts, got rid of my books and I quit watching. Wrestling was over for me because some guy ruined it.

I'm not writing this because I want to compare Ryan Braun to Chris Benoit (or Aaron Hernandez) because I am a rational human being that can tell the difference between breaking a sport's rules and murdering people, but I can't help but to feel similar feelings. Continue reading →


16
Sep 11

Are the Brewers meant for more?

I may have mentioned this before and I might not have, but earlier this year I was fired from a job. It wasn't a particularly good job, but it was my job and I'd been there for awhile and they fired me. (FUN FACT: Did you know you can get fired for telling your boss "f*ck you"? It's true!) When I got fired from my job I wasn't upset about losing the job. I was upset that I worked at that job for so long. The reason being that I believed I was meant for more. I believed that the job that I had was not worthy of my employment and that I was selling myself short by working there for so long. I was not being the person that I believed myself to be and that was a terrible feeling. I can do better. I am meant for more than that.

I heard a story the other day about a guy who was getting divorced. He was married for 30 years, longer than I have been alive (by a couple months at least), and his wife decided that she needed a divorce. It wasn't anything to do with him or their relationship, she just didn't see herself where she thought she was going to be when they got married. She looked in the mirror and didn't like what she saw anymore. She believed that she was meant for more than what she was.

Another good friend of mine lost her job this year too and she had the same feeling I did. She wanted to do more with her creativity. She wanted to use her mind in her work. She wanted to do something that mattered, something she could believe in. She wanted more and she believed that was what she was meant to do.

You know what else happened this year? Continue reading →


27
Oct 10

What Brewer would you trust with your girlfriend?

I do my best not to get jealous when it comes to my girlfriend. Whether it's her puzzling lifelong crush on Jason Mraz or the people who won't stop telling me how "lucky" I am to be with her or any of her assorted male best friends, I do my best not to let it bother me. After all she is with me and not them for a reason, I don't know what that reason might be (I suspect some sort of experiment for college credit), but the fact is that she is with me and not them. So I try not to get jealous, but she's attractive and she owns a vagina so she gets hit on a lot. I do my best not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. Like the other day.

The other day she went to the corner store where we normally go to pick up alcohol and other drinks and the cashier (who never does this sort of thing) asked her if she had a boyfriend. She told him that she did and when he asked if it was "that guy you're always in here with" she told him that yes, that was me and I was her boyfriend. (Good work, btw girlfriend.) I would have preferred "Yeah he's my boyfriend you got a problem with that douchebag? His name is Vince and he will f*ckin' END you for this, dog", but she's not Lil' Kim and probably way too nice to even think to say something like that. Plus, she probably doesn't believe I could actually end anybody. Still, that should have shut him up right? He should be apologizing to her. Apologizing for the great disrespect that he has shown for the two of us and our relationship because we seem like nice people and are probably a really good couple. "Sorry," he should say, "I messed up," but of course he doesn't do that. No, he has something to say. He says "Oh...."

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

Seriously? That's your play, guy who I always talk to about sports? Really, guy who I once told to "start stocking condoms because I don't want another kid"? That's your move? Really? You sure about that, guy with a neck tattoo who is out of her league anyways?

(And I'm not gay. I watch professional wrestling! There's nothing gay about that, that's for sure!)

It sucks. I can't even trust my girlfriend to buy me a Vitamin Water without some jerkoff trying to hit on her, but the truth is that when it comes to your girlfriend you really can't trust anybody. How many movies are there about best friends in love with the same girl or the guy in love with his brother's fiance? How many vampires have to steal girls from werewolves before we learn that this stuff happens in real life? It happens all the time, every single day and there is only a few people in the world that you can trust.

I know that with my girlfriend I can trust the following people: Continue reading →


07
Jul 10

Take a date to Miller Park

What's your name? Who's your daddy? Is he rich like me? Has he taken any time, any time to show you what you need to live? Tell it to me slowly. Tell you what? I really want to know.

That's right, Miller Park Drunk fans, it's the time of the season for loving. While some people might say that my heart turned black many years ago after it was ripped out by an evil bitch woman [I don't really mean this, baby. Come on, let's get back together! I frickin' love you okay!? GOD WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS!? ANSWER MY FACEBOOK MESSAGES ALREADY! -Ed.] the truth is that I am actually quite capable of love. In fact, I am a believer that the summer may be the best time for people to find it.

There are a lot of cool things to do with a girl during the summer. Taking a sunset walk along the beach, going to the fair and trying to look cool by winning a stuffed animal, introducing her to your parents, going kayaking or just taking her to a bar and getting drunk together (or as I like to call it "my only move") are all great things to do on a date. If you can't think of something to do with a girl during the summer you clearly aren't trying. Of course when you are thinking of things to do with a girl during the summer it's inevitable that the idea of taking them to a Brewers game will come up. Miller Park is fun and exciting and it's a great place for people to get drunk. It sounds great, but this is a very, very slippery slope. Where do you see this going? Do you like this girl? Because if you do this it just might be the ultimate test of the validity of your relationship. I'm not being facetious here, taking a date to Miller Park is SERIOUS BUSINESS and it could spell doom for any potential relationships you might have.

Which, like always, is why I am here. Here to help you through the trying times of trying to find love in the 21st century because if I can help you then maybe I can help myself and if I can help myself then there is hope for us all. Continue reading →

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