Gender roles in modern society (the one where we talk about banging a Brewer)

Off-Base January 12th, 2010

I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Read the rest of this entry »

Ten Christmas Gifts NOT to buy a Brewers fan

Off-Base December 23rd, 2009

santaTomorrow is Christmas Eve and most of you are probably already checked out for the holiday, but just in case you are like me and completely irresponsible, waiting til Christmas Eve to buy anyone anything than I have a list for you. I can't tell you what anyone wants (probably something involving their cellphone), but I can tell you what they DON'T want. So here's 10 Christmas gifts you shouldn't get for that Brewers fan in your life, don't worry there is still time to return it! Read the rest of this entry »

A quick word on trade rumors

Baseball October 19th, 2009

zack-greinkeEarlier this week a rumor got started that the Brewers trading for Zack Greinke was IMMINENT. Not only that, but JJ Hardy, Manny Parra, Mat Gamel and Angel Salome were all going to Kansas City in exchange for him! Fox6 reported this on twitter and it was picked up by a few other outlets. I even had one of my good friends call me on the phone and ask me if I had heard we were getting Zack Greinke. My reply? "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." And now, shockingly, it's all gone. There is no trade, it was just a silly internet rumor. Who could have seen that one coming?

Now, on paper this trade sounds great for the Brewers (well, not really because the team would still need someone to replace Parra's production and that's a lot of offense to let go of but let's just roll with this.) The Brewers would acquire the person who should win the 2009 Cy Young award. The player who was the best player at his position in the league last year and he would fill a position that the Brewers sorely need help in. They wouldn't give up a single player of their 2010 Brewers starting lineup and they'd have a great, young pitcher who is locked up for the next few years. The Brewers absolutely nailed this fake trade and we can just go ahead and pencil them in for the 2010 World Series.

Here's the thing Read the rest of this entry »

What are these people smoking?

Fans October 1st, 2009

Dumb Brewers fan in a Favre Brewers jerseyJust checked out the always enjoyable for all the wrong reasons Anthony Witrado chat from last week and seriously, what is wrong with you people? Are you stoned? I do not like Anthony Witrado, this is well known, but I am starting to think that A-dub is just Charles Manson and the people who participate in these chats are the ones out killing people. Look at some of these questions, it is not pretty.

Q: Michael, Chicago - Thanks for all of your hard work this season Anthony.

Work? He's talking about the time he spends in the mirror adjusting his hat sideways right?

Q: stu pidasso, westallica - hi anthony. just for fun, let's pretend you're doug melvin.

WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? I've got a better one. Let's pretend you are David Carradine. Here's a belt.

Q: Justink8996 - Do you guys have an update on Alcides "baby mama" drahma? Kinda hard to root for a guy who is a dead beat dad? Guess it would be pretty awkward as a journalist to even ask him about it? "Oh Alcides by the way...." Read the rest of this entry »

The final weekend

Baseball September 25th, 2009

So, this is it. Our last chance to go to Miller Park. It seems like only yesterday I was doing a countdown to Opening Day, telling you what not to wear and how to drink. Now? It's all over. If you haven't been to a game in awhile and want to get one last one in, stubhub has some truly crazy deals on tickets right now (Terrace for $.50, Field Infield Box for $15, Loge Infield for $10, Loge Diamond Box for $10, tons of deals). They might win, they might not. Doesn't really matter. Miller Park is a great place just to hang out. If you don't have faith in the team on the field just stay in the parking lot for the first four innings. I can't say I've never done it and I know you'll have a good time because it's ALWAYS a good time. Personally, I am happy with my last game of the season being Wednesday's game (and not just because I'm still hungover.) I got to see Prince go yard, a starting pitcher actually do a good job and Trevor Time. I can't think of a better way to remember this season than that (outside of flipping The Happy Youngster over the railing into the bullpen).

Speaking of my last game, something really weird happened at it: I met some readers and they were happy about it. "It's a pleasure to meet you" they said. My only reply? "Really? Seriously? You're kidding right?" I'm glad that people read this blog and I'm more glad that the people who read it really like it, but let's face the facts. I'm just another douchebag who spills his beer on a pregnant chick. Nothing to get excited about.

Anyways, enjoy the weekend gang. I'll be back Monday with more stuff, just like I'll be back every week all winter long. Just because the Brewers will be gone doesn't mean I suddenly have important stuff to do. Quite the opposite.

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