18
Mar 13

A brief history of Bobby Crosby: Milwaukee Brewer

Brewers release Bobby CrosbySad day for all you CrosBees out there as Bobby Crosby has found himself back in the unemployment line. Crosby hadn't played in the major leagues since 2010, but was attempting a comeback with the Brewers this season. Crosby had a reputation of being an excellent glove man with a bat that resembled a branch that fell off of a dead tree that he was able to live up to in Brewers spring training. Crosby hoped that he could get enough hits off of mediocre pitching in spring training to temporarily convince the Brewers that he had value, but was unable to even accomplish this simple task as he often struck out when hitting off the tee in batting practice.

His time with the Brewers was short lived, but for completionist's sake we have created this archive of his entire Brewers career. For science. Continue reading →


20
Sep 12

Norichika Aoki needs some help to win Rookie of the Year

I am going to say something right now that a lot of Brewers fans might not be prepared to hear: Norichika Aoki is not going to win the Rookie of the Year award this season. He won't even be close.

Bryce Harper is a lock for the NL Rookie of the Year award. Bryce Harper is hitting .262/.333/.459 and playing center field (well) on a playoff team as a NINETEEN YEAR OLD. That's kind of amazing. When I was 19 I listened to Kid Rock and worked in a warehouse. I spent all my money on DVDs and alcohol. I was a complete loser with no direction and no hope for the future. It was kind of like now, but I didn't have a cool blog and my girlfriend was less attractive and kind of a weirdo. (Take that, life.) There was no way I could have ever been a starting center fielder in the major leagues. Even if I had the talent that I genetically lack, I still wouldn't have been responsible enough to handle what Bryce Harper is doing right now. What I am trying to say is I hate Bryce Harper. He's better at life than me so screw him.

On the other hand Norichika Aoki is 30. He's hitting a slick .293/.362./.438 that actually makes him a better hitter than Bryce, but he plays right field and his defense is worse. There are a lot of arguments to made that Norichika Aoki is a better player than Bryce Harper this season and that is a very good argument to make. Besides the homerun category Aoki is better or close in nearly every statistical category. Continue reading →


02
Mar 10

The Brewers are former stars of pro wrestling

It is officially my favorite time of the year.

The weather is slowly starting to get better, spring training has begun and Wrestlemania is right around the corner. Yeah, I said Wrestlemania. Just like everyone that didn't get laid enough wrestling was a big part of my life growing up. I mean, who didn't have a Stone Cold, Rock or nWo t-shirt in that sweet 97-2000 period? Losers, that's who. This should come as no surprise to any of you really. After all, Miller Park Drunk WAS the site that originally suggested the Ultimate Warrior theme for Todd Coffey and we all know how that turned out.

I don't watch as much wrestling as I did back then, but I usually always end up checking it out around Wrestlemania time. If you're looking for a good show, it's a pay-per-view that never lets you down unlike the majority of boxing and the occasional UFC PPVs I have watched over the years (one of the many positives of watching a fake sport.) Sure, there is still some stupid stuff on the show like last year's 20 minute Kid Rock concert, but overall at the end of the show I always feel as if I've gotten my money's worth and it's a perfect set-up drinking-wise for Opening Day. Last season was the perfect storm for my Wrestlemania/baseball orgy as Wrestlemania was Sunday, I went to Twins Opening Day on Monday and then made it home Tuesday for the Brewers first game of the season. Just a great three days of drinking, sporting, hanging with my friends and, of course, drinking. It's spread a bit further out this year, but for some strange reason nothing gets me ready for baseball season like Wrestlemania.

Now all these thoughts of wrestling and baseball have me mixing up the two. Was it Kane that Tombstoned Pete Rose or was that Richie Sexson? Who won 1992 Rookie of the Year for the Brewers, Pat Listach or The Repo Man? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the reason I am confusing the two so much is because they are so much alike. Richie Sexson was who he was because of his size, just like Kane. Pat Listach basically stole the Rookie of the Year award from Kenny Lofton and then disappeared a few years later because he wasn't that good, just like the Repo Men basically stole people's cars and disappeared because he wasn't that good. (Sidenote: how did Listach get  so many at-bats in 96-97? He was awful, I'm talking Shockmaster awful.) The comparisons are endless. However, for the purposes of this article we'll be limiting the comparisons to players currently on the team. So without any further adieu I present to you...

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Brewers as WWF/E Stars

Continue reading →


07
Dec 09

Morning Read: Vince and Tyler’s Nice Dreams

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Hey, look at that it's our 300th post! Kind of funny that we have no real content for it except to say that the incomparable Tyler Maas and I took some time off from our procrastinating busy schedules to talk about the Brewers offseason and make a few rape jokes for the Onion AV Club. It's much better than the last time we chatted online and I only make one reference to Rookie of the Year. You have to love the super catchy title, "What should the Brewers do in the off-season?" I guess my title "JJ Hardy won't be screwing my girlfriend anymore" wasn't up to the Onion's standards. Oh well, live and learn.

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