16
Jul 09

Ryan Braun tells you where to go and what to do, but somehow fails

Ryan BraunDid anyone else get this email? Because we did.

Hi,

When traveling to a new a city or looking for a new restaurant or club to try at home, a simple Google search just doesn’t cut it. What if you could get recommendations on where to eat and what to do from people ‘like you’ or, even better, from celebrity, super-human athletes like Ryan Braun.

LikeMe.Net, the next generation in social media, offers just that. It’s a recommendation search engine, which tailors your search to your specific interests. Awesome. Even better? Finding out where Ryan Braun spends his time when he’s not crushing it baseball field.

You can see his video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMHHhc92gUI

Check out his recommendation page at: http://www.likeme.net/users/RyanBraun/recommendations

Let me know if you have any questions. Enjoy All-Star week.

Cheers,

Lauren

First of all, why the hell should I care where Ryan Braun recommends me to eat? To be an athlete in the kind of shape he's in he probably has to eat food like the bread that Jews eat during the Sabbath. No thanks. Second of all, he recommends places in California or Florida which doesn't exactly help me much. Here's the restaurant Katana which Ryan describes as "The food is so great, and there are a lot of beautiful people here. It's just a great place to go before going out." Great food and beautiful people? It's like gourmet narcissism! The menu looks decent and surprisingly affordable (unlike another Braun spot Prime 112 and their $23 soup), but it also looks like a place that Spencer's creepy flesh colored beard would hang out at. Fail Braun, fail.

Braun also goes on to recommend everything from cellphones (Blackberry Curve 8330: "I'm a businessman now so it's all about email efficiency.") to (surprise) Remetee clothing ("It's something like between Affliction and Ed Hardy. My partners are the majority owners of Affliction. We just felt like it was an opportunity to do something that was a little more colorful and friendly, and for me, it's something I really enjoy. It's available in Nordstrom, Macy's, Bloomingdales, etc."). I wonder if they ever thought of that for a slogan for Remetee, "Remetee: It's just like Affliction or Ed Hardy, only with more pink and purple!" The best part of Ryan Braun's recommendations are the baseball stadiums. That's a really nice touch. Here's his review of Wrigley Field:

It's a special place to watch a ball game. Every fan should experience this place -- a lot of day games, a lot of drinking and tailgating, and as a visiting player, we enjoy going into this atmosphere and environment. It makes it a lot of fun.

I am starting to wonder if Ryan knows the definition of tailgating because in order to tailgate I am pretty sure that you need an actual, you know, place to park. I could be wrong though. (Nope, I'm right.) I'm also kind of wondering if Ryan is saying that baseball players like playing when everyone is drunk during the day because he certainly seems to imply that. That'd be pretty awesome actually.

He also covers his hometown Dodger Stadium:

I grew up in L.A., and I still live there. I really enjoy getting the opportunity to go back when we play the Dodgers. I'm able to reflect on where I'm at, what I've accomplished, and what I'm doing because I grew up a big Dodger fan. It's fun to play against them -- they have a good team, we have a good team. It's not necessarily a rivalry because we only play them a couple times a year, but it's always a lot of fun and a good series.

Do you know how many games Ryan Braun has played in Dodger Stadium? I don't want to be a dick about it, but these things aren't that hard to find out and it literally takes about 20 seconds to look it up online. Two games. That's it. Sure, he could enjoy playing the Dodgers and he most definitely enjoys going back home but you've been there ONE TIME. This is my biggest Braun pet peeve, he talks like he has been in the league for 20 years and constantly gets away with it. He's like a 14 year old who wants to talk to you about sex. Give me a break.

I hate being down on Braun all the time though. I mean, he really likes playing in Milwaukee and signed a contract that he didn't have to sign to stay here. We should be happy. I mean look at this compliment he gives Milwaukee:

Don't sleep on Milwaukee. The people here really take their summers seriously because they don't have good weather very often. It's been great to me so far. It's fun.

At least I think that was a compliment.


10
Jul 09

Friday Quick Hits

mannyPretty big series coming up with the Dodgers, but I guess they are all big when you're in a playoff. We should think of a different way to describe this. Difficult series ahead? I mean, it's considered a big series because the Dodgers are good and beating them will be difficult. Either way, I'm nervous about it with Mike Burns being prominently involved (at least he is facing Jeff Weaver, I think the over and under for this game is going to be in the teens). After this it's the All-Star break where our very own Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder will be participating. I'm looking forward to Prince in the Home Run Derby, but also secretly holding out for Russell The Muscle to appear. That'd be sweet. Anyways, here's a few quick hits to get you ready for the weekend.

  • What is the deal with the national anthem at Miller Park? I went to a game this week and started to cheer before the song ended and was greeted with dirty looks. Ummm, what? I'm of the belief that people should go absolutely crazy during the national anthem (like at this Blackhawks game). It's called patriotism. Especially when the person singing it is an Elvis impersonator. I mean, that's just science. Wake up people.
  • Speaking of the game I went to this week I did a bit of live tweeting it on twitter. Say what you want about twitter, but if you're not following us you're missing out on tweets like this: "strangest game ever. i just saw two girls make out and a guy in a vikings favre jersey." Or pics like this (his friend was wearing a Mandarich jersey.) I don't smoke, but all these things happened on the smoking deck. I feel like this means something, but I'm not sure what exactly. Twitter, it's a good time.
  • Speaking of social media, guess who searched out Miller Park Drunk and became a fan of us on facebook?trenni
    TRENNI KUSNIEREK! I wonder how she feels about me making fun of her buddy A-Dub all the time. Anyways, if you haven't already follow Trenni's lead and become a fan of us on facebook. We even have the spiffy facebook.com/MillerParkDrunk URL.

  • I meant to mention this earlier in the week, but Right Field Bleachers has video of a Remetee event at decibel. So many things to say about this video. Douchebag levels are off the charts. Someone needs to delete this video ASAP, if Kim Jong Il sees this he's sending a missle to Milwaukee tomorrow.
  • Do me a favor. If you go to the games this weekend, ask Manny Ramirez if he wants to play spies.

That's all I got. We'll be back Monday with some cool stuff to keep you occupied when there are no games going on. As for this weekend series? I'd be okay with 1-2, excited for two wins and absolutely ecstatic for a sweep. Honestly, I'm more concerned about the games coming up after the break against the Reds, Nationals, Pirates, Braves and Padres. Those are the ones we NEED to win.

Have a good weekend everybody.


07
Jul 09

Doug Melvin strikes down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

Ryan Braun I know [Melvin] is trying to make our ballclub better. I know he recognizes the importance of making a move and making it soon. But at the same time, I think everybody's recognized there's a lot of teams that are still in th--
Doug Melvin /shoots Chorizo
chorizo /dies
Doug Melvin Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that, eh. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about how you think I should do my job eh?
Ryan Braun [silence]
Doug Melvin What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished eh? Oh, well allow me to retort!

What does Bernie Brewer look like?

Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin /flips over bench

What country you from?

Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin "What" ain't no country I ever heard of, eh! And I would know aboot a country called "What", eh. They speak English in "What"?!
Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin ENGLISH RYAN BRAUN DO YOU SPEAK IT EH?
Ryan Braun YES
Doug Melvin Then you know what I'm saying? Describe what Bernie Brewer LOOKS like, eh!
Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin /points mustache at Braun

Say what again. I dare you, I double dare you motherf@%&r say what one more goddamn time, eh!

Ryan Braun He-he-he's white.
Doug Melvin Go on, eh.
Ryan Braun He has a big yellow mustache.
Doug Melvin Does he bring joy to children?
Ryan Braun What!?
Doug Melvin /slaps Braun with mustache

DOES HE BRING JOY TO KIDS, EH!?

Ryan Braun YES!!
Doug Melvin Then why you trying to f@%& that up? Why you trying to demoralize the people in the organization at a time when we should be pulling together. It puts a bad taste in our mouths.
Ryan Braun I didn't!
Doug Melvin Yes you did. Yes. You. Did, Ryan. You tried to demoralize people in the organization and Bernie Brewer don't like to be f'd by anybody except Mrs. Brewer.

Do you read the Journal Sentinel Ryan?

Ryan Braun Yes.
Doug Melvin God, why? The Bible is so much better. There's this passage I've got memorized, sorta fits the occassion.
Ryan Braun Ezekiel 25:17?
Doug Melvin No, that's not even a real passage, eh. It's Deuteronomy 21:18-21.
Doug Melvin "Suppose a man has a stubborn, rebellious son who will not obey his father or mother, even though they discipline him. In such cases, the father and mother must take the son before the leaders of the town. They must declare: 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a worthless drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death." Eh.
Ryan Braun /ponders

That's kind of insane.

I think I know what I have to do.

Ryan Braun enters the locker room carrying a large box.

Ryan Braun /throws Remetee shirts in the air

Free shirts for everybody! Even you Mike Burns and Seth McClung!

Doug Melvin Sigh, eh.

/walks the Earth like Caine

Years later.

Doug Melvin /dies of autoerotic fatality

19
Jun 09

It’s Friday, let’s have fun with numbers

NumbersOkay, I think I am a bit calmed down now.

Just a few numbers to fill your head over the weekend because as everyone knows if there is one thing that goes good with heavy drinking, it's numbers.

96: Games left in the season. This seems like a lot, but trust me it's a big frown face for me. I haven't even went swimming yet!

5000+: Visitors so far in June. That's kind of a lot. Thanks a lot.

0: Of those 5000+ who would rather live in Detroit. Man, Detroit sucks. A couple of my buddies went out there for the series because they go to an out of town series every year and all I could say to them was "WHY?" I get the whole "never been there before and want to see their stadium thing", but Detroit is the pits.

35-31: Brewers Pythagoraen record. Same as the Cardinals. This means something, but I have no idea what.

14-15: Brewers record since Rickie Weeks last game. JUST SAYING.

73/274: Combined home runs and RBIs Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun are on pace for. Thatsalottaruns. Fielder is on pace for most RBIs by an NL player since 2001. NICE. (Useless knowledge that I know: For those curious the HR record for teammates is 115 by Maris/Mantle in 1961.)

3: Times I've watched Hitch in the past week. No, I am not proud of this.

.250: Mike Cameron's current batting average. Hey, I told you this would happen.

250: The number of facebook fans we need to reach before giving away another two tickets. I think I set this number kind of low since we're already over 200, but whatever. I'll give it to next Friday and if we top 300, we'll have a secondary prize. If you're already a fan, you're already in. If you're not, click here to become a fan. Follow us on Twitter while you're at it.

That's about all I've got for you this week. We'll be working on getting some more cool stuff up here for next week. More comics (although that artist WAS a bit expensive), more Brewers Baby (if his mom says it's okay), LOLBREWERS and some other crazy stuff we haven't even come up with yet. You keep reading and telling your friends, we'll keep doing our thing (and if you're looking for tickets check out our sponsor Cheap Milwaukee Brewers Tickets). Now if you'll excuse me I haven't drank since Monday (!) and that's about four days too long.


19
Jun 09

Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I’ll never get laid

Ryan Braun and his ex-girlfriend

Great. This is just what I fucking needed. The same fucking day that I FINALLY work up the courage up to ask this cute temp Lauren out on a date and get fucking DENIED because she's "just coming out of serious relationship and needs some me time" whatever the FUCK that means, Ryan Braun decides to break up with his girlfriend and announce it on Kiss fucking FM. Fuck you Ryan Braun. Why didn't you just come to my work during lunch break and do it?

Are you fucking kidding me? You think that just because you're some good looking baseball player with his own clothing line that you can just hog all the hot chicks in Milwaukee? Is that what you fucking think? Because I have something to tell you, SOME girls aren't into all that. SOME girls aren't into your stupid fucking t-shirts. SOME girls aren't into your tongue wagging and showboating. SOME girls like guys like me, guys they can talk to about their feelings who won't try things on the first date. SOME girls want a guy who they can tailgate with who out drinks all his friends, not some asshole who is friends with A-Rod. Why don't you fucking call back the Bachelor or something? Why do you have to steal all the girls from regular guys like me? Guys like me who pay your fucking salary asshole!

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, this has been like the worst week ever. The thing with Lauren was one thing, but then I asked for this other girl's phone number who I met at a Brewers game and she had a fucking boyfriend. If you had a fucking boyfriend why were you flirting with me the whole fucking game? I would have had like six more beers and three more brats plus some cheese fries if I knew you had a fucking boyfriend! For fucks sake. I guess I just don't fucking get why this keeps happening to me. No matter what I do I can't seem to get laid. I mean, I'm a nice guy! I'm sensitive! I'll watch Grey's Anatomy with you and I own like every Jason Mraz CD! The other day I bought She's Just Not That Into You On-Demand just so I had something to talk to Lauren about at work. We see how fucking good that worked out. I just want someone to talk to! Someone to fucking care about! It's not enough that I have to compete with all these assholes who work out and have a drivers license, I also have to compete with Ryan fucking Braun? Fan-fucking-tastic. Why don't you just kick my dog while you're at it? Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I'll never get laid. Asshole.

[RightFieldBleachers]