29
May 09

The Remetee is the experience

Say, have I ever told you how stupid I think Ryan Braun's shirt line is? I haven't? Oh man, I hate them. I think they are stupid. I would never wear one of those things! Why, only an idiot would want to wear one of those right? Right? Ummmm.... right?

Apparently not. Apparently these shirts are HIP. Remetee is probably the biggest thing to hit the scene since Kris Kross decided to wear their pants backwards (because inside out was wiggity wiggity wack). Celebrities and athletes of all shapes and sizes wear them. Everyone from American Idol runner up Adam Lambert to Jerry Rice wear them. WWE "wrestler" Gene Snitsky (who once killed a baby I believe) wears Remetee. Even musicians and producers like Sleepy Brown and System of a Down bassit Shavo wear them. These celebrities wear these shirts with pride and make them look good doing it. Remetee has arrived and celebrities love them. That being said, not every celebrity can make them look good. Some people maybe you shouldn't be photographing in these shirts if you want them to sell.

Like Carrie Prejean, the controversial Miss California, who gives the Remetee shirt the look of "hating gays".

Carrie Prejean

Do you want me to take this off now?

Or tennis pro Marat Safin who gives the shirt the "volleyball scene from Top Gun" look.

marat-safin

After the picture you'll introduce me to A-Rod?

Tom Green gives Remetee the "I dated Drew Barrymore once. No, really I did. I used to be somebody." look.

tom-green

My bum is on the shirt, bum is on the shirt. Get it? Because I had that one song?

None of these models are quite as offensive or say to the potential shirt buyer "STAY AWAY" as much as Yovanni Gallardo does.

yovanni gallardo

Am I doing it right, Ryan? Do I look cool?

No, Yovanni. A million times no.

If you are interested in buying a Remetee shirt all you have to do is go to another site because Miller Park Drunk does not support anyone wearing these.

(Thanks to Rachel for the tip.)


28
May 09

Make way for the Prince

We now take a break from gloating about SINGLE HANDEDLY changing Todd Coffey's entrance music to talk about Prince Fielder.

Prince Fielder is either the best or the second best player on the Brewers. Period.

No matter how you measure it he is more valuable than anyone on the team not named Ryan Braun. Yet, I think of all the Brewers he gets the least amount of respect and it doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Consider this: if Prince Fielder hits 20 more home runs this year and then 30 home runs next year (which is a HUGELY conservative estimate) he would be #6 on the Brewers all time list. Two more and he's tied for fifth, he even has an outside chance of tying Cecil Cooper for 4th (he'd have to average 43.5). He is basically GUARANTEEED to have the sixth most home runs in Brewers history. That's crazy. He's currently second to Ryan Braun (who else?) for 2nd best OPS in team history and he's right there with Sexson and Braun in At bats per home run. He's hit more home runs in a season than any Brewer ever has. Basically, Prince Fielder is one of the greatest power hitters Brewers fans have ever seen. So where's the love?

Now, I'm not saying that he's not liked. He is liked, I just think that his contributions aren't as appreciated as they should be. He's always expected to do more, play better defense, hit more home runs, everything. Whenever people talk about trading someone to improve the pitching (which is so horrible that it ranks 6th in the National League) Prince is the first person brought up (in the interest of fairness, these people are idiots). I'm here to tell you that getting rid of Prince Fielder is the equivalent of throwing in the towel. This team does not make the playoffs without him. The team is lucky to finish .500 without him. Furthermore as fans of the team, we should want to hang onto Prince for as long as possible. We are witnessing a GREAT power hitter that most teams aren't as lucky to see come through their system. I just don't get it. Why doesn't Prince get the adulation he deserves?

Possible reasons:Prince Fielder

  • Crappy at-bat music (see above)
  • Despite terrible at-bat music, it's still better than fan favorite Corey Hart's
  • Decided to become a vegetarian after reading a book called Skinny Bitch
  • Weight issues remind fans too much of their own
  • Manny Parra fans still upset Prince nearly killed him
  • #28 reminds fans of the film 28 Days Later bringing up unresolved zombie issues
  • Not Ryan Braun

If Prince was on a lot of other teams he would undoubtedly be that team's best player, but since the Brewers have Ryan Braun he's the second banana. It's not fair, it's just the way it is. Prince is still amongst the top 30-40 players in Major League Baseball, unfortunately for him his teammate is in the top 10-15.


20
May 09

Brewers flow charts

The Brewers are 13-4 in May and have a three game lead in the National League Central. The next two games are against the Astros. The Happy Youngster deleted his blog. Thanks to links from Deadspin we have had record hits this month. Life is pretty good around here right now. So let's have some fun with flow charts.

Continue reading →


11
May 09

Ryan Braun, relax

Frankie says RelaxRyan Braun, I'd like to start this intervention by saying that I think you will go down as one of, if not THE, greatest Brewers of all time. Your combination of power, speed, improving everday defense and incredible bat speed make me so happy that you are on my team and not someone elses. Watching you reminds me of what it must have been like for Cardinals fans to watch Pujols, Mariners fans to watch Griffey (first time), Yankees fans to watch Mantle and Cubs fans to watch Henry Rowengartner. You are a very special player and you do some amazing things, but you need to relax.

Here's a small timeline of your weekend:

Friday: You strike out and throw your bat like you are 3 years old.
Later Friday: You hit a home run to win the game and stick your tongue out like Michael Jordan, then make a cocky trek around the bases.
Saturday: For some reason you decide to try a drag bunt and almost get hit in the head with the ball. When you get to first base you won't shut up about it.
Later Saturday: You hit a home run and basically stare down Dempster the entire trot around the bases.

When you add this to the Pittsburgh situation, I think it's about time you chill the hell out Braun. First of all, it is uncool to pout and throw your bat. You're not Jose Hernandez, if you strike out it is not the end of the world. The pitcher just won that round and as you have proven many times that you will win a later round. So relax.

Then, after openly pouting you hit a game winning home run. When you do this, you act like you are Superman. That you are four for four with fifteen home runs and eleventy runs batted in. We won the game, great. I am excited too, but you can't have it both ways. If you are going to celebrate your hits like that, you might try to mature a little bit on your outs. Relax. This is a game in May, not a game in October.

Saturday was probably the worst with your "I'm a soldier" routine (seriously, did you hang with Kellen Winslow at school?). I'm just going to break this thing down for you real quick. Throwing at people in baseball is highly discouraged by the commisioner's office. Throwing at superstars is right up there with HGH, if you do it there will be serious consequences. This isn't the 70s, bud. Not every pitcher on every team is out to get you. Quite the opposite. Yet at the same time when you act like you've been acting: whiny when you're out, cocky when you're not, ready to rumble and run your mouth when a ball gets close to you; guess what? You'll find a few guys who do want to throw at you, not a lot but a few and all it takes is one ball to your head and this whole thing is over. So RELAX. It's a long season stop pissing everyone off in May.


05
May 09

Braun’s Big Day

Yesterday I had my first softball game of the season. It was a win for The People's Champs so that was nice, but words can't really describe how tired and sore I am. Maybe I should re-think this whole Miller Park Drunk, drinking beer and eating delicious foods lifestyle (pause for laughter). Yesterday was a pretty big day for me, but it really pales in comparison to the day of Ryan Braun.

Ryan Braun

/wakes up

/pisses excellent

Ryan Braun: Well I am off to the doctor for my MRI now.

20 minutes later...

DOCTOR: Ryan, there is nothing wrong with you.

Ryan Braun: Yay!

DOCTOR: In fact you are a perfect human being. You are what Hitler had in mind when he seeked to create a super-race, which is ironic because..

Ryan Braun: Sorry Doc, can't talk. I have to get to Pittsburgh.

/gets into car

Ryan Braun: Oh no I need gas.

/stops at gas station

GIRLS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE ARE TOTALLY FREAKING OUT

/smiles

GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Don't worry Mister Braun, this one's on me!

Ryan Braun: Sweet!

/drives down the block, a mad woman runs up to his car

MAD WOMAN: My baby! My baby! Someone save my baby!

/runs into burning house

/saves baby

/smiles

/arrives at airport and gets on the plane

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: For your in flight movie we will be showing The Goonies.

Ryan Braun: Yeah!

Two hours later..

/checks cellphone, 1 new text message

DIGITAL KEN MACHA: we r down 2 we need u k? lol ttyl

Ryan Braun: I don't think he knows what lol means.

/arrives at ballpark instantaneously

/dresses in a matter of seconds

/pinch hits

/hits game-tying double

/smiles

[pic via CuteSports]

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