I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.
Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Continue reading »
As the decade comes to a close we thought it would be a good idea to look back on what it all meant for the Milwaukee Brewers and their fans. It's the Brewers Decade in Review. SPOILERS: Some of it is good, a lot of it was bad and most of it was forgettable. Just like every decade except for the 80's. The 80's were awesome.
The 2001 Opening Day was probably the most anticipated Opening Day in Milwaukee Brewers history. You couldn't drive on I-94 without seeing it, you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing about it and you couldn't make love to a man or woman without accidentally screaming it's name. The presence of Miller Park lingered over everything. At least that's how I assume it was, I was living in Seattle in 2001 watching Ichiro lead a team to 116 wins eating copious amounts of salmon and drinking five gallons of latte per day. Yet I couldn't help but notice what was going on back home and feeling sorry for everyone. A whopping 2.8 million people came to see the new place that season and the Brewers rewarded them by winning their first game there. a game that had President George W. Bush throwing out the first pitch. It would prove to be the high point of the season. In the next 161 games they went 67-94.
The story of the season was the offense. Like all the Selig era teams they could hit homeruns (3rd in the league) and not do much of anything else except lose. Eight players hit ten or more homeruns that season. You'd think with a lineup like that they would have an above average offense and with this group, you would be wrong. They weren't good.
Well after the success of the last Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show starring Al's Ramblings we decided to do another one with Jared and Tyler from Right Field Bleachers. They have really been doing some good stuff lately with the Halladay trade and have really come into their own since they decided to just write about whatever they wanted instead of other people's opinions. This one didn't go off as smoothly as we'd have liked and it took us kind of a long time to complete, but we had a pretty good rapport and we churned out some good stuff. Some of this may seem dated now as we started this before the All-Star Break, but I stil think you will find it enjoyable.We start off talking about if that last stretch decides the season and the team was one or two games out and now they are still two games out. So I guess it's relevant (and I guess it didn't).
Miller Park Drunk: Okay guys, let's get this thing started. As I write this the Brewers are playing the Twins and they aren't looking very good. There are people out there who think the team is donezo and really you can't completely blame them. A big part of this team's success this season was dependent on Manny Parra and Dave Bush pitching competently on now we are without both of those guys. This is one of the toughest stretches of the season for the team right now. After our hated rival Twins leave town, the current Wild Card leader with one of the best pitching staffs in the majors comes to town, followed by the Mets (who thankfully are beat up), then we go to Chicago who are just starting to heat up, division leading Cardinals and end up with the best team in baseball the Dodgers. If the Brewers go around .500 over this stretch it's not the end of the season (afterall, we still get to play the Natinals, Pirates and Padres), but it would seem the team needs to do well. I think this team will be in the hunt for the playoffs up to the very end, but even I have my doubts (and I'm drunk half the time.) There are arguments to be made that the pitching staff is broken and can't be fixed or that the team played over it's head early (coughWeekscough) or any number of things. Where do you guys see the team going from here? Is this really the stretch that decides the season? Continue reading »
Great. This is just what I fucking needed. The same fucking day that I FINALLY work up the courage up to ask this cute temp Lauren out on a date and get fucking DENIED because she's "just coming out of serious relationship and needs some me time" whatever the FUCK that means, Ryan Braun decides to break up with his girlfriend and announce it on Kiss fucking FM. Fuck you Ryan Braun. Why didn't you just come to my work during lunch break and do it?
Are you fucking kidding me? You think that just because you're some good looking baseball player with his own clothing line that you can just hog all the hot chicks in Milwaukee? Is that what you fucking think? Because I have something to tell you, SOME girls aren't into all that. SOME girls aren't into your stupid fucking t-shirts. SOME girls aren't into your tongue wagging and showboating. SOME girls like guys like me, guys they can talk to about their feelings who won't try things on the first date. SOME girls want a guy who they can tailgate with who out drinks all his friends, not some asshole who is friends with A-Rod. Why don't you fucking call back the Bachelor or something? Why do you have to steal all the girls from regular guys like me? Guys like me who pay your fucking salary asshole!
I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, this has been like the worst week ever. The thing with Lauren was one thing, but then I asked for this other girl's phone number who I met at a Brewers game and she had a fucking boyfriend. If you had a fucking boyfriend why were you flirting with me the whole fucking game? I would have had like six more beers and three more brats plus some cheese fries if I knew you had a fucking boyfriend! For fucks sake. I guess I just don't fucking get why this keeps happening to me. No matter what I do I can't seem to get laid. I mean, I'm a nice guy! I'm sensitive! I'll watch Grey's Anatomy with you and I own like every Jason Mraz CD! The other day I bought She's Just Not That Into You On-Demand just so I had something to talk to Lauren about at work. We see how fucking good that worked out. I just want someone to talk to! Someone to fucking care about! It's not enough that I have to compete with all these assholes who work out and have a drivers license, I also have to compete with Ryan fucking Braun? Fan-fucking-tastic. Why don't you just kick my dog while you're at it? Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I'll never get laid. Asshole.