19
Jun 09

Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I’ll never get laid

Ryan Braun and his ex-girlfriend

Great. This is just what I fucking needed. The same fucking day that I FINALLY work up the courage up to ask this cute temp Lauren out on a date and get fucking DENIED because she's "just coming out of serious relationship and needs some me time" whatever the FUCK that means, Ryan Braun decides to break up with his girlfriend and announce it on Kiss fucking FM. Fuck you Ryan Braun. Why didn't you just come to my work during lunch break and do it?

Are you fucking kidding me? You think that just because you're some good looking baseball player with his own clothing line that you can just hog all the hot chicks in Milwaukee? Is that what you fucking think? Because I have something to tell you, SOME girls aren't into all that. SOME girls aren't into your stupid fucking t-shirts. SOME girls aren't into your tongue wagging and showboating. SOME girls like guys like me, guys they can talk to about their feelings who won't try things on the first date. SOME girls want a guy who they can tailgate with who out drinks all his friends, not some asshole who is friends with A-Rod. Why don't you fucking call back the Bachelor or something? Why do you have to steal all the girls from regular guys like me? Guys like me who pay your fucking salary asshole!

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, this has been like the worst week ever. The thing with Lauren was one thing, but then I asked for this other girl's phone number who I met at a Brewers game and she had a fucking boyfriend. If you had a fucking boyfriend why were you flirting with me the whole fucking game? I would have had like six more beers and three more brats plus some cheese fries if I knew you had a fucking boyfriend! For fucks sake. I guess I just don't fucking get why this keeps happening to me. No matter what I do I can't seem to get laid. I mean, I'm a nice guy! I'm sensitive! I'll watch Grey's Anatomy with you and I own like every Jason Mraz CD! The other day I bought She's Just Not That Into You On-Demand just so I had something to talk to Lauren about at work. We see how fucking good that worked out. I just want someone to talk to! Someone to fucking care about! It's not enough that I have to compete with all these assholes who work out and have a drivers license, I also have to compete with Ryan fucking Braun? Fan-fucking-tastic. Why don't you just kick my dog while you're at it? Thanks a lot Ryan Braun, now I'll never get laid. Asshole.

[RightFieldBleachers]


03
Jun 09

The Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show with Al of Al’s Ramblings, Part 2

chevychaseshowWe now bring you part two of our e-mail conversation with Al of Al's Ramblings for The Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show. Part two is a bit longer than part 1 as we get into Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, post-2009, potential trades, JJ Hardy, Manny Parra and the future of the team. We started to hit a groove towards the end there and we're happy with the results. This is probably the most actual analysis you'll ever see us do, so enjoy it while you can.

MPD: Bill Hall is a great example of casual fans not thinking things through. Bill Hall was beloved for hitting those 35 home runs, then was considered an overpaid let down (both with the bat and the glove) as a center fielder. Last season he was routinely booed, the fans wanted Branyan and his numbers didn't do much to prove anyone wrong. Now here we are in 2009 and he's the same player he was last year, but now he should be the starting second baseman. How does that make sense?
Continue reading →


16
Apr 09

I <3 Mike Cameron

Mike CameronA good friend of mine hates Mike Cameron. I mean, HATES. He's one of these people that thinks strikeouts somehow count for more outs than any other out. I am not one of these people. I love people who are above average defensively, hit home runs and steal bases. I don't care if they strikeout as long as when they make contact it counts. Maybe this is from years of playing fantasy baseball, maybe it's because I like a little pain with my pleasure. Either way, I love Mike Cameron. After Rickie Weeks he's my favorite player on the team (I have issues.) Obviously I LOVED yesterday's game where he went 3-3 with 3 RBIs, two HRs, 3 Runs and a walk. (Of course, I don't really understand why he couldn't do this at the four games I went to (you'd think he'd want to impress his biggest fan), but I digress.) Mike Cameron playing like this at the beginning of the season where he has struggled throughout his career is something to get excited about. I can't believe the team ever seriously considered trading him for Melky Cabrera. Sure, it was a pure salary dump but do you realize that Cabrera is just a backup now (and before Nady got hurt the 2nd backup)? Mike Cameron is one of the top 5 Center fielders in the National League. That'd be like trading Alex P. Keaton for Skippy. Skippy isn't taking you to the playoffs. Or the homecoming dance. I don't know about you, but I want the Wolf.

Think about this in tailgating terms. You've got the whole set up. You start with the most important thing which is the beer (Ryan Braun), then you have the bags (Prince Fielder), the food (JJ Hardy and Corey Hart), your friends (Yovani, Weeks, Hall) and the close proximity to the port-o-potty (the bullpen, whoever I forgot). You are all set up for a good day at the park. You can have a good time with just these things, right? Of course, but isn't your day a lot better if someone brought chairs (Mike Cameron)? That's what Mike Cameron brings to the table. You don't necessarily need him, but you are a lot better off with him and at the end of the day a lot happier too.

  • BrewBay

    1993 Leaf Robin Yount Milwaukee Brewers #188 Baseball Card Triple Play
    1993 Leaf Robin Yount Milwaukee Brewers #188 Baseball Card Triple Play
    US $.99
  • Brewers Tickets

  • E-Mail Miller Park Drunk