29
May 12

Pants Party 2: Sausage Fest

On August 29th 2010 people gathered at Miller Park from all over the fine state of Wisconsin to take part in an event known as "Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party." Few knew what they were getting into before the event, but after some amazing food, a great party, a Brewers win and a pantsless kegstand; everyone who attended realized they just had one of the greatest times ever and their lives were never the same a-gain.

For a variety of reasons 2011 did not feature a return event and many people were left extremely disappointed. Some turned to hard drugs to ease the pain, others to crime. (One dude even ate another dude's face in Florida.) Relationships crumbled, the dead rose from the grave, humans were sacrificed, cats and dogs started living together... it was mass hysteria! But that's all over now because today is a new dawn.

The clouds have parted, the sun has come out and Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party has returned. Rejoice because on July 15th...

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21
Apr 10

BEAT THOSE PIRATES

Man, if there is one thing I hate it's those stupid, smelly Pirates! They are the pits! They think they are so cool with their black and yellow jerseys and their winning record and their Indian minor league pitchers. They think their better than us, that's what they think! Hey Pittsburgh, ketchup sucks! Yeah, that's right I said ketchup sucks! Stadium sauce drinks ketchup's milkshake punks! And racing pierogis? HOW ORIGINAL! Seriously though, what the hell is a pierogi? A boiled or baked dumpling of unleavened dough stuffed with varying ingredients? STUPID! That doesn't even sound good! Sausages bang pierogi's girlfriends and never call her again!

Check out this stupid blog I found called "Where Have You Gone Andy Van Slyke?" (he's probably gone to the same place every old Pirate goes, straight to HELL.)

You have probably noticed over the past couple days that I'm not exactly over the moon about the Pirates' play to this point in the season, 7-5 record or not. What would make me extremely happy, however, is a couple wins against the Brewers this week. I know Brewers' fans think it's funny that we Pirate fans get all worked up over these two teams, but I really, really don't like Ryan Braun or Prince Fielder or their stupid untucked shirts and frankly, everyone needs a little bit of a rivalry to get through the season.

"Waaa the Brewers beat us when they play us just like every other team, but they have Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder who have more talent than any single player we've had since Barry Bonds, waaa! Let's romanticize a player who had like five good seasons for us, his joy for the game was infectious! Waaa!" Why don't you guys pull the tampon out of your diaper and shut the hell up? Maybe if your pitching coach Dave Kerwin could teach your guys how to pitch you wouldn't give up eight runs to us. Way to "play up" to your rival, losers.

Pirates? Pssh, more like butt Pirates am I right? EAT IT SUCKERS!

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