20
Jan 10

Retro Weekends are going to be awesome

I love Retro Friday at Miller Park. Some out there will rail against it saying that we need to leave the past in the past and that the team needs to forge it's own identity and blah blah blah, to which I say screw off. Saying we should get rid of the ball and glove logo is like saying we should get rid of the American flag. You know who wants to get rid of the American flag? Terrorists.

Luckily for us and the safety of our nation, the Brewers agree with me. In fact they are taking retro Fridays into the future for their 40th anniversary and turning them into four retro weekends. Let me tell you, they sound AWESOME. Continue reading →


20
Nov 09

Brewers Decade in Review: 2001

george w bush brewers opening dayAs the decade comes to a close we thought it would be a good idea to look back on what it all meant for the Milwaukee Brewers and their fans. It's the Brewers Decade in Review. SPOILERS: Some of it is good, a lot of it was bad and most of it was forgettable. Just like every decade except for the 80's. The 80's were awesome.

The 2001 Opening Day was probably the most anticipated Opening Day in Milwaukee Brewers history. You couldn't drive on I-94 without seeing it, you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing about it and you couldn't make love to a man or woman without accidentally screaming it's name. The presence of Miller Park lingered over everything. At least that's how I assume it was, I was living in Seattle in 2001 watching Ichiro lead a team to 116 wins eating copious amounts of salmon and drinking five gallons of latte per day. Yet I couldn't help but notice what was going on back home and feeling sorry for everyone. A whopping 2.8 million people came to see the new place that season and the Brewers rewarded them by winning their first game there. a game that had President George W. Bush throwing out the first pitch. It would prove to be the high point of the season. In the next 161 games they went 67-94.

The story of the season was the offense. Like all the Selig era teams they could hit homeruns (3rd in the league) and not do much of anything else except lose. Eight players hit ten or more homeruns that season. You'd think with a lineup like that they would have an above average offense and with this group, you would be wrong. They weren't good.

There was, however, a few bright spots. Continue reading →


20
Aug 09

So long Bill Hall, I will miss your super white smile

billhallsmile

Dear Bill Hall,

Well, it's been fun hasn't it? Milwaukee, I like to think, was pretty good to you. You were the only player on the team to get his own specialized chant (Bill clap, clap, clapclap, HALL, Bill...) which is a feat that may never be duplicated since the majority of fans only seem capable of doing the "Let's Go Brewers" chant. (Seriously, we can't do any better than that? Are we that devoid of creativity? Any chance "Less filling!", "Tastes great!" can come back?) You had that one amazing season which was a total fluke, but you got paid for it anyways. As time went on you got progressively worse and despite maintaining your excellent defensive skill you slipped to the point that your contract was the only thing keeping you on the team. It was sad to see as you were one of my favorites, but if you're not hitting it doesn't matter how much people like you. That's just the way it is. I always knew you had the goods, but something just didn't work. Were you trying to hit 35 homeruns on every swing? Because that's not you. You are more like a 20 guy. I am convinced that season was the worst thing that ever happened to you. Continue reading →


22
Jun 09

Jarrod Washburn would like to return to Wisconsin

Last week Erik Bedard made the case to be a Brewer. This week his Mariners teammate Jarrod Washburn makes his case to be a Brewer. You know he's from Wisconsin right? He is, he went to UWO and is from La Crosse.

Jarrod Washburn

Let me tell you something about Erik Bedard: screw that guy. He's a jerk. One time he asked me if I wanted to go curling with him and I just told him that whatever he does in his free time is his business, but that he should keep that fag crap away from me. You guys don't want him in Milwaukee, he's Canadian. You want someone who understands what it's like in Wisconsin because he is from Wisconsin. A guy who likes hunting, Brett Favre, drinking beer and eating fish fry. A true Wisconsinite through and through.

I've been in Seattle for a few years now and you know what they got for fish fry? Nothing. What they do have is a poached salmon in a blackberry cream sauce served with a pan fried organic green tomato or some crap. Who the hell wants to eat that? I miss potato pancakes.

I'm currently having one of my best seasons with a 3.24 ERA at age 35 which is in no way weird. Some people think that it's because of the outstanding outfield defense I have behind me, but don't listen to them. I'm pitching great. Not only that, but I don't have that stupid slant-eyed catcher back there messing up my game plan. I'm in the midst of my greatest season and would love to take my success out of this queer town and back to Wisconsin. I'm so excited I could almost guarantee a playoff spot. Almost.

(You see, I was kinda wondering if maybe I could just play with the team until 9/12? That's the first day of bow hunting season and it's not like I am going to show up in the playoffs anyways (at least the World Series). Whitetail, on the other hand, are just about the smartest animals in the world and I want to bowhunt them to prove that I'm smart too.)

I'd really like to be a Brewer because it'd be nice to go to a clubhouse that isn't filled with gays and foreigners who don't speak American. I'm sure you'll be fine with Suppan and Looper (I mean, it's not like we're that different), but I think you could really use me and I'd love to be back.

seattlehippy

Please? That guy is a season ticket holder.


18
May 09

Boy let me tell you what

Ryan Franklin

Ryan Franklin, pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals

I tell you what, I done been in this here Major Leagues for a long time and if there is one thing I can't stands it's people disrespectin' me. Hell, I done lost 31 games in two seasons back in Seattle. I knows about some disrespect, I got plenty of it from dem damn hippies that frequent Mariner games (and they say Wrigley Field is the world's largest queer bar.)

/spits chewing tobacco

You ask me, dem Brewers is just about the most disrespectful team in the National League with their high fivin' and untuckin' and struttin' round the bases like they in first place or something. I don't mind them hittin' me so much, I just hate that shirt untuckin' so darn much.

/drives pick up truck

Hell, my daddy didn't take his shirt off when he got off work. He didn't even wear a shirt! Hardly could, most days it was hotter than two rats bangin' in a wool sock! You don't see me and my teammates comin' to the ball game with no shirts on.

/listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd

Course none of this would matter if we could just beat them sumbitches to shut em up once and for good. I try to tell em we need to get out there and beat em, hell I'm serious as the business end of a .45 and we still lose. I just don't know what it is about them Brewers, but we can't lick em.

/does taxidermy

But just cuz we ain't beat em yet, don't mean we're gun quit tryin. These colors don't run and I'm gonna get me some Brewers come hell or high water. That boy Mike Cameron better watch out too, cuz I hate that shirt untuckin' business and I know it was his idea. I'm comin' for that son of a gun.

/trims beard, finds a frenchy fry