06
Aug 12

Prime 9: Chillest Brewer Bros

Whenever I'm bored and can't find anything to watch on TV I always switch over to the MLB Network to see what's going on. Most of the time it's just a rerun of the previous night's highlights that gets old in about five minutes, but sometimes they show their original program Prime 9. It's essentially a countdown show that features lots of old footage and talking heads, but the talking heads treat the material with respect and the host isn't annoying. It's usually a fun time.

Unfortunately, it hardly ever features the Brewers and why should it? A list of the 9 greatest World Series moments ever shouldn't include the Milwaukee Brewers nor should the 9 greatest third basemen. As much as I love the Milwaukee Brewers I wouldn't exactly call our history "storied." But that doesn't mean they are without merit. Despite the lack of success I think the Milwaukee Brewers are by far the coolest team to follow in all of the land. The Yankees are like following Berkshire Hathaway, ollowing the Nationals is like following Nickelback and you'd have more fun following the wheelchair kid from Glee after the show ends than following the Cubs.

The Milwaukee Brewers aren't only an awesome baseball team that is going to be awesome again real soon (as soon as this season is over), but they are also a great time. Why? Because the Milwaukee Brewers always have some of the chillest bros in all of baseball on their squad and in honor of those bros we now present to you the 9 Chillest Brewer Bros of all time. Continue reading →


10
Jul 12

Top 10 @BigRedBBall Tweets (We Have)

Let me begin by saying that I really like Seth McClung.

He's a charismatic and seemingly personable player with whom fans can identify and hope succeeds. Something I like even more than Seth McClung is the concept of Seth McClung having an unfiltered medium to fire off stream of consciousness thoughts, random musings and wild interactions out into the world. Enter @BigRedBBall.

Over the winter, Clunger inked a minor league deal with the Crew with hopes of cracking a big league roster for the first time since he appeared in 41 games for the Brewers in 2009. The low-profile signing was enough to spark a collective "Oh yeah! I remember Seth McClung!" among most Milwaukee faithful. Caught up in Big Red fever myself, as well as the Kenny Powers-type storyline of Southern fried reliever taking a shot at the bigs again, I permitted McClung to join the rarefied ranks of Cinnabon, Dad Boner, adult film star Lexi Belle and CYBORG HANSON TOMMY... also known as "Things and people I follow on Twitter."

In no time, it became obvious that my decision to follow McClung was a great one. Behind the 140 available characters the fringe reliever employed, one tremendous character emerged. Each poorly-punctuated, misspelled, fucked up tweet granted insight into the inner workings of McClung's unconventional mind. In a world where 98 percent of professional athletes waste bandwidth by shitting out unoriginal tweets like "Off to the gym! lol" or typing stupid shit about God or whatever, Seth's unpolished and less-filtered take on tweeting was a refreshing change of pace. Whether tweeting covert pictures from team meetings, publicly asking companies for free shit or throwing me a retweet when I made fun of him, it was all pretty great.

Sadly, after a Spring Training spent making me laugh online and struggling on the mound, McClung failed to earn a spot on Milwaukee's roster and was sent to languish in triple-A Nashville. Around that time, Clunger also unplugged from the Twitter-sphere and went off the grid. Figuring nothing gold can stay, I had the foresight to snag a few screen caps of some particularly enjoyable @BigRedBBall gems. Honestly, some of these don't even scrape the surface of the account's quality. But like the long-extinct Carolina Parakeet, Surge, or the expectation of new episodes of The Office being funny, it's gone now. All we can do is look back on it fondly and appreciate whatever particulate residue remains from it.

I now give you the top 10 @BigRedBBall tweets (we have):

10. "Let her shine by herself Joe"

Raise your hand if you took Seth McClung to be an Idol aficianado? Not so fast, entire universe. My brain read this tweet in the same crying tone that "Leave Britney Alone!!!" dude had.

9. House for sale
Twitter can be used for a lot of things. It's part promotional tool, part sounding board, a means of trying out new jokes, a way to connect. Additionally, you can sell your own house. If I wasn't poor and petrified to be anywhere near Florida for more than 15 minutes, I'd jump at the chance to own something a marginal Brewers pitcher jacked off inside of. Maybe I can find the Quizno's where Ruben Quevedo works.

8. "I think Id play a solid bad guy."

McClung is at that weird level of notoriety where a very small and specific group of people is aware he exists. Where I would be thrilled to see him in a cameo where he's a quirky gas station employee in some road trip boner comedy, 150 percent of the rest of the planet wouldn't recognize him from any other bit actor. When he wrote this, I said "I thought you were the guy who said 'Sweet!' on those Dodger Hemi ads." He replied, "I wish!" and retweeted me. In that fleeting moment, I felt kind of famous. Speaking of, any screenwriters out there have a role for me?

7. Not a morning person.

It happens to the best of us. Just, most of us aren't wearing button down baseball jerseys when we do it.

6. "Learn from a PRO!"

Perhaps Clunger had an inkling a promotion to Milwaukee was unlikely during the spring. Hence him hocking $50 pitching lessons behind the field after practices. Still, it'd be kind of cool to get tips from a pro athlete while at Spring Training. It's times like these I wish I was 10 again and my mom's boyfriend was angling for my approval.

5. Pitchers be prayin'!!!

This is evidence of the hurler's sensitivity. Amid the chaos, Seth would occasionally sprinkle in a mention of how much he missed his wife and daughter, as well as this. Humanizing. Touching. Almost makes you forget that airplanes are exponentially safer than cars are.

4. Thank goodness the Brewers signed Jay Gibbons.

February 28th, 2012. Mark that date down as the first time anyone was happy Jay Gibbons was on their team.

3. Juggler "fore hire."

More shameless self promo. Depending on how much he charges for juggling, this could actually be a pretty good deal. My birthday is December 18th, by the way. WINK! WINK!

2. Send shoes.
"Yo, Nike. Big fan. So... I'm a professional athlete who has a standing offer on his home. I also accept untaxed income to play catch with kids. Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, send me some free shit."

1. "Saw something crazy in the sky..."
Awesome.

McClung's current 2-10 record an 5.17 ERA in 16 starts at Nashville makes him an unlikely call-up for Milwaukee. Plus, there are a heft of better and younger minor league options (many already on the 40-man roster) that would likely take the mound before Seth, even if he turned his season around after the All-Star break. Still, I can take the likelihood of never seeing Seth McClung pitch another inning again, if I could just see one more tweet from @BigRedBBall. RIP.


02
Dec 10

What are they gonna do? Plan #2: Do nothing

What are the Brewers going to do this offseason? Who knows? Doug Melvin has seemed non-committal whenever he's asked about anything and nobody else is talking. Prince Fielder is yet to be traded. Rickie Weeks is yet to be re-signed. Eric Hinske chose the Braves over the Brewers. The Braves! What does it all mean? Did the top stop spinning at the end?

I don't claim to know what they are going to do or even what they could do, but I can idly speculate. That's why we're bringing you the series: What are they gonna do?

Doing nothing is what it has felt like the Brewers have done since CC Sabathia left. Sure, some of the players have changed, but the team has been basically the same. Seth McClung turned into Todd Coffey. Dave Bush turned into Dave Bush. JJ Hardy turned into Alcides Escobar. Mike Cameron turned into Casey McGehee. My 36 waist turned into a 38. The improvements have been minimal, if not non-existent, and the team has remained basically the same.

Of course, we are basically talking about two seasons here. Two seasons that were littered with bad luck, two seasons that might have gone better if pitchers could have hit their projections and two seasons where they didn't come close. Braden Looper had probably the worst season of his career. Manny Parra somehow managed to get worse at baseball, but somehow handsomer. Jeff Suppan was born. The only contribution Doug Davis brought to the team was looking like a douchebag. These weren't the best teams ever fielded, but they weren't as bad as they ended up. They should have been better. So maybe it's time for luck to be on the Brewers side. Maybe it's time to do nothing.

What would a "do nothing" team look like? Continue reading →


12
Feb 10

Minor League Invite Orgy

How many times have you read this statement during the offseason? "(Team) signed ______ to a minor league deal with an invitation to spring training." 100? 200? All your favorite ex-Brewers like Frank Catalanotto and Seth McClung got these types of deals and the Brewers partook in the practice quite a bit as well. By my account there is at least 13 players headed to spring training for the Brewers, but there may be more. Some might make the team, some might disappear and some might head on down to Nashville. We're still a couple of months from those decisions being made and right now there is just a gaggle of veterans working out in hopes of making the team. Their probably all just home working out in preparation for the season right now, but what if they weren't? What if they were all just chatting on the internet? Continue reading →


10
Feb 10

Calm down McClung Nation

After reading this great interview at Right Field Bleachers with Seth McClung and reading the comments of my last post I felt the need to address McClung Nation. Seeing as this was the only blog name dropped in the article.

Seth McClung is "just a guy that’s very fortunate to play baseball". He's genuine, he's down to earth, he's a good person. He's what we'd all like to think we'd be like if we played baseball. He's not Ryan Braun who, based on reactions we've gotten in the past year, is a douchebag that you wouldn't want anything to do with if he couldn't hit a baseball. He's not Alcides Escobar who from all accounts abandoned his wife and daughter and he's not Trevor Hoffman, a first ballot Hall of Famer who has played since some of you were born and made millions of dollars. Seth McClung was someone we could all relate to as a human being and that's pretty cool. I believe all of these things and I think Seth was a pretty cool guy during his time in Milwaukee. He really tried to connect with the fans and his twitter was always entertaining, be it for the things he said or the way he spelled them.

(Speaking of twitter, this line in the interview was kind of bullshit. "I apologize to whoever Miller Park Drunk is about my misspelling things on there. I’m sorry that you don’t understand that 140 characters is usually 140 characters and I don’t really have a great spell check on my phone, but I hope everybody enjoyed it as much as I did and I enjoyed the fans. It was just my way of connecting." I do understand the character limit and that doesn't really make up for the fact that honored isn't spelled honerred and memory isn't spelled memorey (via) and a thousand other examples I could come up with if the account still existed. Either way, I was just making a joke and his spelling had no effect on my feelings towards him as a person or a player. So you're bad at spelling, who cares? There's no need for excuses. I'm bad at writing a blog. It doesn't matter. We're both good guys.)

Seth, along with his so-called doppleganger Todd Coffey, ranks highly on my 2009 Brewers I'd like to drink with and that's just about the highest compliment that I can give to someone. I liked him on the team which is more than I can say about a lot of players. However, this statement just isn't really true: Continue reading →

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