15
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event. Continue reading →


09
Oct 09

THIS pitching staff wasn’t THAT bad

davebushhurtWhy do I do this to myself? Why do I read anything on the JSOnline, anything written by Anthony Witrado or anything someone paid Anthony Witrado to do? Do I hate myself? I read Anthony Witrado's last chat of the season and was constantly pissed off while reading it. People asking if Corey Patterson would be our 2010 centerfielder, Witrado fellating Lopez, Witrado saying that Braun or Fielder would net Halladay and just, well, everything. It was all bad. The thing that pissed me off the most though, was this quote from A-dub.

No manager in the history of the game could have taken this team to the post-season with the way the starting pitching was built. Nobody. As any manager does, Macha has fair criticisms, but he almost deserves and INC for this season because the tools weren't in the shed to properly live up to expectations. You will never win by hitting, alone. You NEED to be able to pitch. Some things people don't like can be pinned on Macha, but not that.

Apparently the Brewers had the worst pitching in the history of baseball this season and had no chance to compete. Which is funny when you consider that on July 1st they were in first place.

Now, I'm not saying that the pitching was good. It wasn't, but it was good enough to have them competing for the division crown at the halfway point of the season. It was good enough for them to be among the frontrunners in the National League Central and National League Wild Card races. Unfortunately, there were a few things didn't go their way. Continue reading →


08
Oct 09

SNEAK PEEK: Journal Sentinel 2009 Brewers grades

hail-satan-710567The JSOnline's Brewers season grades are always a lot of fun. In 2008 Gabe Kapler received a better grade than anyone on the offense. In 2007 JJ Hardy, Joe Dillon and Ryan Braun were deemed equal. The thought that goes into these rankings clearly takes at least 5-10 minutes. I have a few sources on the inside of the JSHQ and they were able to give me a few of the grades ahead of their publishing along with some preliminary notes. Not sure if it will be EXACTLY like this on Sunday (or whenever these come out), but I can guarantee it will make the same amount of sense. Hope you enjoy.

Jason Kendall: B- That one time he hit a homerun. Guys loved throwing at him. Also, hit a homerun that other time.

Prince Fielder: C+ If he doesn't tie for RBI lead he is sure B-.Would be higher if team was better. It's his fault for record.

Felipe Lopez: A+++++ If I was GM I'd pay him a million trillion dollars!

JJ Hardy: INCOMPLETE Team is stupid for sending him down.

Alcides Escobar: C+Dazzling defense, but the bat isn't there. Seems like one of the best

Craig Counsell: B- One of the best seasons of his career.

Casey McGehee: C True Rookie of the Year candidate filled the hole at third base adequately.

Rickie Weeks: F- Got hurt. LOPEZZZZZZ!!!!!

Corey Hart: B- Changed his at-bat music later in the season and I really enjoyed it.

Mike Cameron: D He may have been one of the Brewers' best hitters, but he struck out a lot.

Ryan Braun: C- Wasn't as good as I thought he'd be. Would be higher if team did better, it's his fault.

Frank Catalanotto: A One of the lone bright spots.

Jody Gerut: F+

Yovani Gallardo: C- Not enough like CC.

Trevor Hoffman: A+ Best. Free. Agent. Signing. Ever.

Braden Looper: C- Sure, it was the worst season of his career and he led the league in homeruns and earned runs allowed. He had 14 wins! 14!

Jeff Suppan: D+ If he would have pitched better Brewers would have won the World Series.

Manny Parra: Somewhere between B and F.

Dave Bush: D- Bring back Doug Davis.

Mark DiFelice: B Can't imagine where the Brewers would have finished without his 3.66 ERA.

Mitch Stetter: C- His 3.60 ERA was a pleasant surprise.

Claudio Vargas: D- 1.78 ERA with Brewers. Am I supposed to be impressed?

Mike Burns: C Did a good job with what he was asked to do.

Seth McClung: B- "We need to give a good grade to Seth because he's my friend on twitter. -Tom"

Todd Coffey: C+Pitched a lot of games.

The rest: F


23
Jul 09

The Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show starring Right Field Bleachers

pat sajak showWell after the success of the last Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show starring Al's Ramblings we decided to do another one with Jared and Tyler from Right Field Bleachers. They have really been doing some good stuff lately with the Halladay trade and have really come into their own since they decided to just write about whatever they wanted instead of other people's opinions. This one didn't go off as smoothly as we'd have liked and it took us kind of a long time to complete, but we had a pretty good rapport and we churned out some good stuff. Some of this may seem dated now as we started this before the All-Star Break, but I stil think you will find it enjoyable.We start off talking about if that last stretch decides the season and the team was one or two games out and now they are still two games out. So I guess it's relevant (and I guess it didn't).

Miller Park Drunk: Okay guys, let's get this thing started. As I write this the Brewers are playing the Twins and they aren't looking very good. There are people out there who think the team is donezo and really you can't completely blame them. A big part of this team's success this season was dependent on Manny Parra and Dave Bush pitching competently on now we are without both of those guys. This is one of the toughest stretches of the season for the team right now. After our hated rival Twins leave town, the current Wild Card leader with one of the best pitching staffs in the majors comes to town, followed by the Mets (who thankfully are beat up), then we go to Chicago who are just starting to heat up, division leading Cardinals and end up with the best team in baseball the Dodgers. If the Brewers go around .500 over this stretch it's not the end of the season (afterall, we still get to play the Natinals, Pirates and Padres), but it would seem the team needs to do well. I think this team will be in the hunt for the playoffs up to the very end, but even I have my doubts (and I'm drunk half the time.) There are arguments to be made that the pitching staff is broken and can't be fixed or that the team played over it's head early (coughWeekscough) or any number of things. Where do you guys see the team going from here? Is this really the stretch that decides the season? Continue reading →


07
Jul 09

Doug Melvin strikes down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

Ryan Braun I know [Melvin] is trying to make our ballclub better. I know he recognizes the importance of making a move and making it soon. But at the same time, I think everybody's recognized there's a lot of teams that are still in th--
Doug Melvin /shoots Chorizo
chorizo /dies
Doug Melvin Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that, eh. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about how you think I should do my job eh?
Ryan Braun [silence]
Doug Melvin What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished eh? Oh, well allow me to retort!

What does Bernie Brewer look like?

Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin /flips over bench

What country you from?

Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin "What" ain't no country I ever heard of, eh! And I would know aboot a country called "What", eh. They speak English in "What"?!
Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin ENGLISH RYAN BRAUN DO YOU SPEAK IT EH?
Ryan Braun YES
Doug Melvin Then you know what I'm saying? Describe what Bernie Brewer LOOKS like, eh!
Ryan Braun What?
Doug Melvin /points mustache at Braun

Say what again. I dare you, I double dare you motherf@%&r say what one more goddamn time, eh!

Ryan Braun He-he-he's white.
Doug Melvin Go on, eh.
Ryan Braun He has a big yellow mustache.
Doug Melvin Does he bring joy to children?
Ryan Braun What!?
Doug Melvin /slaps Braun with mustache

DOES HE BRING JOY TO KIDS, EH!?

Ryan Braun YES!!
Doug Melvin Then why you trying to f@%& that up? Why you trying to demoralize the people in the organization at a time when we should be pulling together. It puts a bad taste in our mouths.
Ryan Braun I didn't!
Doug Melvin Yes you did. Yes. You. Did, Ryan. You tried to demoralize people in the organization and Bernie Brewer don't like to be f'd by anybody except Mrs. Brewer.

Do you read the Journal Sentinel Ryan?

Ryan Braun Yes.
Doug Melvin God, why? The Bible is so much better. There's this passage I've got memorized, sorta fits the occassion.
Ryan Braun Ezekiel 25:17?
Doug Melvin No, that's not even a real passage, eh. It's Deuteronomy 21:18-21.
Doug Melvin "Suppose a man has a stubborn, rebellious son who will not obey his father or mother, even though they discipline him. In such cases, the father and mother must take the son before the leaders of the town. They must declare: 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a worthless drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death." Eh.
Ryan Braun /ponders

That's kind of insane.

I think I know what I have to do.

Ryan Braun enters the locker room carrying a large box.

Ryan Braun /throws Remetee shirts in the air

Free shirts for everybody! Even you Mike Burns and Seth McClung!

Doug Melvin Sigh, eh.

/walks the Earth like Caine

Years later.

Doug Melvin /dies of autoerotic fatality
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