09
Apr 09

What Yovani Gallardo’s start and home run mean

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Carlos Who?

Last night could have been one of the most important starts in the history of baseball. The implications of Yovani Gallardo's performance and three run homer may lead to the end of global warming, world peace and an end to the crime against humanity that is the seventh inning beer sale cutoff. Last night's start was the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. This is not to say that the Brewers clinched a playoff spot last night and that Gallardo clinched a Cy Young, it's just that if this is the pitcher we are getting this season those things become a hell of a lot more likely. In fact here's a list of other things that become a hell of a lot more likely:

  • Ken Macha looking like a genius
  • Jack Zdurencik looking like even more of a genius
  • Jet packs
  • First black president
  • Two chicks at the same time
  • University of Wisconsin becoming the new ASU
  • Carlos Zambrano becoming irrelevant
  • People forgetting all about that fat guy

Basically, instead of all that giant squid crap Ozymandias should have just waited until Gallardo was born, got hurt and then returned to hit a home run off Randy Johnson.

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