Tag Archives: sky

Gallardo named Opening Day starter

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In a move that was surprising to Randy Wolf's mom, Patricia Gallardo's ex-boyfriend Joel and like, five other people Yovani Gallardo was named the Brewers Opening Day starter for 2010. It's quite a contrast to last season when manager Ken Macha decided that winning on Opening Day wasn't really a priority to him and started Jeff Suppan. (Yes, the same Jeff Suppan who the Brewers are currently considering paying a whole lot of money to not play for them.)

Macha actually said that he "thinks he's ready for it." Really? Do you think the sky is blue? Do you think sex leads to babies too, Ken? Seriously, this is something that should have been announced in May of 2009. Gallardo is the Brewers best pitcher, by far, and whatever "pressure" is put upon him by being the Brewers number one starter is as made up as my girlfriend who lives in Niagra Falls. You can't be sure if it was Gallardo's 2009 season where he became only the fourth pitcher in Brewers history to have 200 strikeouts in a season (despite skipping his last few starts), his spring training showing, the quality of the other options or something else that changed his mind, but he did. Whatever it was we should all take solace in the fact that Macha made the right choice this year.

YOU ARE A SELLOUT MIKE RIVERA AND I HATE YOU

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MIKE RIVERA SELLOUTSometimes I wonder why I even watch this god awful sport. The World Series champion New York Yankees, the richest team in any sport that have a value almost 5x that of the Milwaukee Brewers, have stolen another one from the poor, stupid teams like us. Mike Rivera has signed with the New York Yankees and I think we all know what this one was about. These stupid baseball players, all they care about is money! You know it's not enough to offer a major league job and a nice city to play in, these greedy a-holes want more. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! Why do I even bother to follow this team? Why do I even write this stupid blog? I mean, it's not like the players care! Nooooooo, they just go to whoever offers them the most money. Mike Rivera doesn't care if I get diagnosed with a life threatening disease and the only thing that can cure me is him re-signing with the Brewers, all he cares about is padding his wallet! NEW YORK NEW YORK! THE CITY THAT NEVER F'N SLEEPS! WHERE MONEY RAINS FROM THE SKY AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST IN 400 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES! Man, screw New York. Seriously, New York you can f right off.

It's just sad, you know, that a small market team like the Brewers can't compete dollar for dollar with a team like the Yankees. Kids grow up rooting for their heroes, but as soon as their heroes become free agents they leave the kids behind. (It's just like my parents divorce really.) Whatever. CONGRATULATIONS MIKE RIVERA I hope you are happy to know that you have ruined my Christmas with your evil, greedy ways. The Mike Rivera jersey I got from Santa is now kindling in my fire! Thanks for nothing, JERK!

EDIT: It appears that Mike Rivera was actually non-tendered by the Brewers who didn't want him back and he signed a minor league deal with the Yankees. So, sorry about that Mike. I take it back.

What are these people smoking?

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Dumb Brewers fan in a Favre Brewers jerseyJust checked out the always enjoyable for all the wrong reasons Anthony Witrado chat from last week and seriously, what is wrong with you people? Are you stoned? I do not like Anthony Witrado, this is well known, but I am starting to think that A-dub is just Charles Manson and the people who participate in these chats are the ones out killing people. Look at some of these questions, it is not pretty.

Q: Michael, Chicago - Thanks for all of your hard work this season Anthony.

Work? He's talking about the time he spends in the mirror adjusting his hat sideways right?

Q: stu pidasso, westallica - hi anthony. just for fun, let's pretend you're doug melvin.

WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? I've got a better one. Let's pretend you are David Carradine. Here's a belt.

Q: Justink8996 - Do you guys have an update on Alcides "baby mama" drahma? Kinda hard to root for a guy who is a dead beat dad? Guess it would be pretty awkward as a journalist to even ask him about it? "Oh Alcides by the way...." Continue reading »

This isn’t the first time the Brewers have let you down

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While I am still not 100% committed to throwing in the towel on the 2009 Brewers season the fact remains that in order for the Brewers to make the playoffs this season will require a minor miracle. Not quite a water into wine type miracle, but something along the lines of the Brewers bullpen holding a lead, Jason Kendall getting an extra base hit or an awful writer not losing his job when the newspaper industry is going broke. The mere existence of Anthony Witrado gives our season hope.

Whatever happens this season know that this isn't the first time the Brewers have let fans down after a successful season. In 1982 they made the World Series and on August 25th 1983 they were in first place, but by the end of the season they were 11 games back and in a pre-Wild Card world out of the playoffs (not that they would have made it anyways). So if you are feeling let down by the Brewers now, just imagine what it was like in 1983. You know, besides totally awesome.

Or we could just do the imagining for you. That's right, it's Miller Park Drunk: 1983 Edition.

Continue reading »

Tom H’s JSOnline Chat

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Yesterday Tom "I hate my job" Haudricourt did a chat at JSOnline. He answered a lot of questions, but he didn't have time for all of them. Luckily, Tom H and I are tight (we listen to goth music together) and he allowed me to put the questions and his answers that they didn't have time for right here on Miller Park Drunk!

Q: mary anne, milwaukee - tom are you on facebook, myspace or twitter?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Why don't you check out my FaceBook profile and find out? Oh that's right I am not an idiot like you who uses FaceBook or MYspace. Go tweet yourself.
Q: milwaukee fan - You are an awesome writer and I love Tony as well. Just a quick question: what color is the sky?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Thanks so much. We do our best around here, we like to think of ourselves as the Woodward and Berninstein of Milwaukee. To answer your question: depends what day.
Q: Mark, Eau Claire - Tom: I was wondering if you could tell me how Braun's first three years thus far compare to some of the other great baseball players. It seems like he's right up there with Pujols and other legends.
A: Tom Haudricourt - I have neither the time or the desire to research such things.
Q: miranda, appleton - tom are you single?
A: Tom Haudricourt - That's really none of your business, but if I was I wouldn't date some loser Brewers fan who reads my chats.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Tom, I love the Brewers and I love going to Miller Park but the coverage that you and Tony deliver is beyond atrocious. I now get all of my Brewers information from blogs even though I'd prefer it from the JSOnline. Is there any chance of your editors realizing how bad you are and replacing you with better reporters? Or will the JS continue to stick it's head in the sand and act like everything is alright?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm glad they let you use the internet at the school for the mentally challenged, retard. Maybe if you knew anything you'd know that I am the best this stupid city will ever have.
Q: brewcrew4eva - Tom I hate Ryan Braun, Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, Prince Fielder and Yovanni Gallardo. Is there anyway the team can just clone Corey Hart and Craig Counsell and have them play every position?
A: Tom Haudricourt - No, but there is probably about 100 different ways you can kill yourself. Go try a few.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Hey Tom me again. How do you think the Brewers will handle Capuano's return from the DL? Julio seems sure to go, but Cap is most valuable as a starter I'd think.
A: Tom Haudricourt - Go f yourself.
Q: Bill, La Crosse - Non Brewers question: Do you think the Cubs will turn it around and start being the team people thought they'd be in the preseason? Also, will the Dodgers still be good without Manny?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm paid to cover the Brewers, not the rest of baseball. Please don't waste everyone's time with this. Okay, that about wraps it up. It's not like I'm getting paid by the hour here. See you guys at the ballpark. (Actually, I won't because I'll be in the press box and you'll be in the upper deck.)

Thanks Tom!