16
Sep 09

You’re sick of me? No, I’m sick of YOU!

So you say that you are sick of me? Well, I am sick of you too! You say that you want this "stunt" to be over? Well, I want your stunt to be over!

Look dudes I got better things to do than sit around on my computer and clickity-clack on the keyboard about baseball all day. I could go out and, you know, SLEEP WITH WOMEN. I am not a nerd blogger like you guys living in your moms basement. I like to go out and drink and sleep with chicks and update my fantasy team. I like to drive my BMW with the top down listening to Soulja Boy as loud as it goes. I could be shopping at American Eagle right now instead of writing on this stupid blog. I could be drinking a dub rum d (double rum and diet to the uninitiated) at a strip club getting a lap dance right now. Instead I am writing on the internet about baseball? No thanks. Baseball is dumb anyways. I prefer football. Not only that, but I have the best fantasy team ever this year. Check out my roster. Continue reading →


15
Sep 09

Haray Caray Preview Tonight’s Game

Well, yesterday I promised you a very special guest writer today and here he is, HARRY CARAY!!!!!! Also, follow me on twitter!

harrycarayHello again everybody and welcome to the Miller Park Drunk game preview of the, uh, Cubs and Brewers live from, uh, Wrigley Field. *coughs* Lemme tell ya, being dead is tough business. Ho lemme tell ya. It a beautiful day for baseball here at Wrigley Field and the Cubs look to win their second straight against the Milwaukee Brewers. Boy could I go for another cold Budweiser right now, Steve. I remember one time we were in Milwaukee when I was announcing for the White Sox, lemme tell ya I had one too many Budweisers and I woke up in a place that,  uh, I couldn't even pronounce the name of but it had those two, uh, those two dots over a couple of the letters and the worst part about it was I had no pants on! Holy cow. I much prefer to sleep in my own bed, but I guess that's what happens when you take a pill given to you by a stranger. Speaking of strangers, Steve, this woman came up to me that night and she told me she was a big Cubbies fan and then grabbed my package. She says to me, she says "Harry" and I said, "yes" and she says "is that your package in my hand?" and I looked her straight in the eye and says to her I says "It could be. It might be. It is!" I'm just pulling your chain there Steve. Man am I glad I was dead for that Bartman thing.

Hopefully the Cubs can get a win tonight and send some of these fans home happy. You know what makes me happy? Those Asian massage parlors, ho-ly cowww. Let's get some runs!


14
Sep 09

Anatomy of a Play

In case you missed the Brewers game yesterday (and I am guessing you probably did), Alcides Escobar made probably the best play I have seen all year. I described it on twitter as "alcides with a play jj is incapable of dreaming about" and later Al's Ramblings said basically the same thing (I would link to the post but Al has a terrible CMS that won't allow it). If you didn't see it or just want to watch it again, here it is.

Whenever you see a play like that you are awestruck and filled with questions. How did he do that? What was going through his mind on the play? Well, luckily for you I have the upgraded version of MLB.tv which includes a new feature called mind reading which I have transcribed for your enjoyment. Continue reading →


04
Sep 09

Ten Links: Corey Patterson

corey pattersonIn honor of the newest Brewer Corey Patterson I present to you TEN LINKS.

  1. "Is Dusty Baker sleeping with Corey Patterson?": Yahoo! Answers investigates.
  2. Corey Patterson montage: A fan video set to Survivor.
  3. Someone actually has to tell Dusty Baker that Corey Patterson sucks: Anytime you can talk bad about Baker and Patterson in the same article, Cubs fans will read it.
  4. Corey "tarded" Patterson
  5. Corey hasn't learned a damn thing: desipio, a sports blog pioneer.
  6. Corey Patterson has a new nickname: Orioles fans love him too.
  7. Corey story: Moral of the story? Don't let Corey dress himself.
  8. Walk Off Walk's Patterson t-shirt
  9. Bleacher bums tell Patterson how they feel: Or maybe just one guy.
  10. Corey Patterson's Baseball Reference Page: Perhaps the funniest of all. -30 OPS+ this season, is that even possible?

31
Jul 09

Guide to hangovers

hangoverYesterday we didn't write anything for the site. Why? We went to the game on Wednesday. I started to go through my archives and realized that for every Wednesday game I have gone to this season Thursday has suffered. I don't think that I need to spell it out for you why this happens. It's just the way it is. You can't start pre-gaming at 5 in the afternoon, watch a three hour baseball game and then stay out until bar time without some effects. For us it's not doing a whole lot of writing on Thursdays. I'll take it. The thing is this goes on a lot. It's not just a clever name. We've been down this road many, many times before. So why not give a little bit back? Why not share our vast knowledge? Why not create...(wait for it)..

Miller Park Drunk's Guide To Hangovers

Continue reading →