12
Apr 10

ESPN Sunday Night Baseball

Last night the Brewers made their first appearance of the season on ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball and the announcing was... something. If you were at the game and you didn't have to listen to it consider yourself lucky because this was one of the worst Joe Morgan performances I've seen in a long time. Which is weird because someone opened a blog called "Fire Joe Morgan" about five years ago, you'd think we'd be used to it by now.

The thing about Joe Morgan is this isn't a pro/anti-sabermetrics thing. I don't really care if Joe Morgan knows about OPS or FIP or any of that stuff. Joe Morgan just doesn't analyze a baseball game correctly and often times comes off like a complete idiot who has never even watched the game. Again, weird considering he is in the Hall of Fame for playing baseball and has been announcing games since 1985.

Anyways, between Joe's ridiculous comments, the constant fellating of Albert Pujols and pro-Cardinals stance they took for the much of the game it was an interesting broadcast to say the least. Let's see if we can do it a little bit of justice.

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18
May 09

Boy let me tell you what

Ryan Franklin

Ryan Franklin, pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals

I tell you what, I done been in this here Major Leagues for a long time and if there is one thing I can't stands it's people disrespectin' me. Hell, I done lost 31 games in two seasons back in Seattle. I knows about some disrespect, I got plenty of it from dem damn hippies that frequent Mariner games (and they say Wrigley Field is the world's largest queer bar.)

/spits chewing tobacco

You ask me, dem Brewers is just about the most disrespectful team in the National League with their high fivin' and untuckin' and struttin' round the bases like they in first place or something. I don't mind them hittin' me so much, I just hate that shirt untuckin' so darn much.

/drives pick up truck

Hell, my daddy didn't take his shirt off when he got off work. He didn't even wear a shirt! Hardly could, most days it was hotter than two rats bangin' in a wool sock! You don't see me and my teammates comin' to the ball game with no shirts on.

/listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd

Course none of this would matter if we could just beat them sumbitches to shut em up once and for good. I try to tell em we need to get out there and beat em, hell I'm serious as the business end of a .45 and we still lose. I just don't know what it is about them Brewers, but we can't lick em.

/does taxidermy

But just cuz we ain't beat em yet, don't mean we're gun quit tryin. These colors don't run and I'm gonna get me some Brewers come hell or high water. That boy Mike Cameron better watch out too, cuz I hate that shirt untuckin' business and I know it was his idea. I'm comin' for that son of a gun.

/trims beard, finds a frenchy fry

  • BrewBay

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