Corey Hart wonders why Prince Fielder hates him

milwaukee brewers July 2nd, 2010

ST. LOUIS, MO- Prince Fielder hit his 18th homerun of the season last night in a Milwaukee Brewers win over the St. Louis Cardinals and at least one Milwaukee Brewer is wondering what he ever did to deserve that.

"I thought we'd kind of established that hitting homeruns was my thing this year and then out of nowhere Prince just comes up and ties me for the team lead. He's been the guy hitting them out the past few seasons, but I thought he was going to let me have a turn. It's like I thought we were friends, you know?"

Hart wanted to make it clear that he was happy that the team was winning and admitted that he hasn't been hitting them out as well as he was earlier in the season, but still thinks that Prince could have went about it in a different way.

"You don't see me opening Corey Hart's Restaurant in the 3rd ward, do you? You don't see me having a son with CP, do you? You know why? Because I'm a good teammate, I don't want to step on anybody's toes. Maybe Prince should think about that and start listening when Craig Counsell talks." Hart said, "Craig would never do that to a teammate. Hell, he'd never even hit one homerun. That's how good of a teammate he is. You're lucky to get a hit of that guy."

Hart, who is in the midst of a 16 game hitting streak, says that he plans to hit one out of the park soon, but can't specify a date or location. Hart said "It's going to happen when it happens. I just hope that Prince doesn't hit any out between now and the time I finally hit another one. That would suck."

Hart's teammates are aware of his frustrations about Prince Fielder's recent power surge and some have offered to help.

"I told him that if I could come into the game for the other team when he was playing that I would totally give up a homerun to him, Soup did too before he was released," disgraced closer Trevor Hoffman said. "I like him a hell of a lot better than the Pirates, Cardinals and Reds players I've given up homers to this season. Nick Stavinoha? That guy just sounds like a dick."

Hart said that he plans to take some extra batting practice with hitting coach Dale Sveum and maybe watch The Blind Side for the 48th time this weekend in St. Louis. The story of "big" Mike Oher and his white family is his favorite movie.

"You think they're teaching him, but really he's teaching them. Teaching them how to love."

When asked about the possibility of making the 2010 All-Star team, Corey Hart said that he'd rather just focus on the homerun race between him and his teammate.

"If I make the All-Star team I'll probably just completely fade in the second half of the season like I did last time. I don't want to think about that. I just want to hit more homeruns than this fat, stupid asshole batting behind me."

The Matrix is a system designed to keep Ryan Braun off third base

Baseball May 20th, 2010

Last night the Brewers fell to the power of the pierogies and lost to the Pittsburgh Pirates. They had their chances, a few leads went by the wayside and in the ninth inning they had Braun on first with nobody out and Prince Fielder at the plate. What happened? Well, Prince Fielder struck out on a high fastball that everyone in the world saw coming except for him and Braun got caught trying to take third on a steal after Andy Laroche did some sort of "Matrix stuff". And that, as they say, was the ballgame. But what exactly happened out there? Read the rest of this entry »

MPD Movie Review: Sugar

Off-Base January 14th, 2010

sugarmovieSometimes I will read a synopsis of a movie or see a trailer for a movie and decide that I am going to love it before I even see it. I like good movies. I like baseball. So when I heard about the movie "Sugar" I was really, really excited about it. Here's the synopsis:

Miguel Santos, a.k.a Azucar, a Dominican pitcher from San Pedro de Macoris, struggles to make it to the big leagues and pull himself and his family out of poverty. Playing professionally at the Kansas City Knights baseball academy, Miguel finally gets his break at age 19 when he advances to the United States' minor league system. Miguel travels from his tight knit community in the Dominican Republic to a small town in Iowa, corn country, where he and a couple other Latin American teammates are the only Spanish-speaking people in the vicinity.

That sounds pretty cool, right? Add an estranged wife and child and you could call it "The Alcides Escobar Story". The movie got great reviews, scoring 93% on Rotten Tomatoes and was called the best sports movie of 2009 by Bill Simmons. I had to see this movie, right?

Well, I did and I HATED it. (spoilers ahead) Read the rest of this entry »

Gender roles in modern society (the one where we talk about banging a Brewer)

Off-Base January 12th, 2010

I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Read the rest of this entry »

Randy Wolf, meet the press

Baseball January 11th, 2010

dougmelvinwolfintro

Doug Melvin: It gives me great pleasure to introduce the man who I believe will single handedly turn around the Brewers next season, the man who will save our pitching staff and lead us back to the promised land of the playoffs, the man who will surely make up for the loss of the players we have let go and take us to our rightful place atop the National League, ladies and gentlemen Mr. Randy Wolf!

randywolfintro

Randy Wolf: Thank you very much Doug. I just wanted to start by saying that although Milwaukee wasn't my first choice, they did offer me the most money and I am honored to be here. I think that we have a great chance to finish at least second next year and that should be awesome. Now, if you'd like to ask some questions I'd be glad to answer them. Read the rest of this entry »

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