Because I can't keep runnin' awayyyyyy-ayy-ayyy.

Well, I have to admit I had WAY too much fun with that. Anytime you can get the most popular Brewers blog on the web to write something like this:

That prompted Miller Park Drunk to launch their "RUNNING" series. I'll link to the Ken Macha and Corey Hart chapters here...the other two are a little too obscene to even be linked from this site.

I mean, that's just a job well done. (Especially considering the Alcides Escobar one was deemed too offensive and that's the only one with a shred of truth.) I have to say I thought THE RUNNING SERIES was a big success.

We're off for the weekend. I think Counsell will re-sign at some point this weekend, but other than that there shouldn't be anything going on. If you need me I'll be at the "World's Greatest Dart Bar" on Sunday, making fun happen. Until Monday, Maas cervezas por favor.

Ryan Braun, don't run from shit son. I'm a soldier! In fact, I'm about to set the record straight with a freestyle rap that I wrote on my Blackberry. (Ed. note: But Ryan you aren't supposed to write freestyles. Who are you, Drake?) Bitch, stfu. Yo DJ kick that beat.

(to the beat of Tonight's Gonna be A Good Night by the Black Eyed Peas)

I'm Ryan Braun, let's turn it up!
I got my Remetee, it's really tight!
I did a commercial, with Marissa Miller!
It was awesome, Check check it OUT!

I am Jewish, Mozoltov!
I was an All Star, two times!
Miller Park Drunk, is a website!
That makes fun, of me a lot!
I don't know why, I am cool!
What the fuck, what's your problem!?
I never did, anything to you!
A lot of people, like Remetee!
Stop calling them douchebags, you don't get laid!
And by the way, leave Seth alone!
He can spell, just not that good!

I'm from Cali, I went to the U!
You people in Wisconsin, are kinda weird!
You drink too much, and it's cold!
Why don't you move, some place nicer!?
Mike Cameron's gone? I'm kinda sad!
So are you, MPD!
I guess we aren't, that different after all!
Let's go to Decibel, and drink some bombs!
But not too much, I have to drive!
We'll bang some sluts, we'll wear a rubber!
It'll be fun!
And then we’ll do it again

To goddamn Toys R Us where else. My stupid wife thinks we have to have the "best Christmas ever" this year while our kids are still young. Does that mean spending a lot of time together? No. Going Christmas Caroling? No. (Don't laugh, I do a mean "fah la la la" part in "Deck the Halls".) Watching classic movies together? No. Going to see lights? No. According to my wife the "best Christmas ever" involves me spending thousands of dollars on gifts for the kids. Is this really Christmas? Spoiling your kids so bad that they open one present and just move on to opening the next without taking time to appreciate the first gift? I say no, but it's not like anyone hears what I have to say in this family anyways. (Which doesn't even make any sense. How many Home Run Derbies has Chanel won? How many single season Brewers records does she own? Yeah, that's what I thought. Marriage sucks.)

You know, when I was a kid there was only one thing I ever wanted for Christmas: my dad's love. Did I ever get it? Hell no, but do you see me complaining? One year on Christmas Eve we spent the WHOLE DAY shooting a stupid McDonalds commercial and you know what I got for Christmas that year? A single cheeseburger, cold. That's it. Not a double, not a triple that was only $1.69. A SINGLE. Really, dad? Really? You couldn't have gotten me some fries with that? LOOK AT ME! I WAS A FAT KID! That was worse than the Christmas he took me to the race track and told me that if #4 doesn't win then Santa isn't coming.

(By the way you see in the commercial when the son of a bitch tries to go to McDonald's without me and I had to run to catch him? THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT! THAT WAS AS REAL AS IT GETS.)

Last year my wife thought it would be a good idea to send my dad a Christmas card without telling me. Next thing you know it's December 26th and he's calling me to borrow money, he didn't even ask about his grandchildren. I told him that I hope his bookie breaks his legs and to have a Merry Christmas. Asshole.

I try to put that stuff out of my mind and concentrate on my family and making them happy at this time of year. I mean, sure my kids are spoiled rotten but at least I'm there you know? In the end that's all that really matters is that they know their dad loves them. They're lucky too because their dad loves them enough to throw out the box of Remetee shirts Uncle Ryan sent them.

You see, it's simple really.

In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream
At night we ride through the mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected, and steppin' out over the line
h-Oh, Baby this town rips the bones from your back
It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we're young
`Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

/plays air guitar

/tries to jump and do splits in the air

/pull groin

1-2-3-4!!

My crazy ass baby's momma. What the hell do you think I'm running from? Have you seen this youtube video?

And her mother too. Holy Christ, I gotta start wearing condoms.