29
Jul 09

The only living boy at Miller Park

CleanseGirlAfter yesterday's post and subsequent loss to the Nationals, I got to thinking about tonight's game. You see, I have tickets to tonight's game. The last game I went to was July 8th against the Cardinals. An excellent win featuring a Gamel homerun and a little Trevor Time. Good times were had by all. Since then I've been watching the games on television and it hasn't been a real pleasant experience to the point where I have seriously considered getting rid of tonight's tickets and going to karaoke or something. Right now I just feel as if going to Miller Park isn't the best way to spend my free time and money. I don't want to go to Miller Park and I don't want to watch the Brewers. Which is exactly why I have to go.

You see the more I thought about it the more I was reminded of this scene from the movie Garden State. (First commenter to make a "Do you know how I know you're gay" joke wins.)

In this scene the dude just lets go. It's raining, he's in some dirty quarry and he just says "you know what? F it. I'm having a good time." and that's exactly what I need to do tonight. I need to put whatever got me to this point behind me and just have a good time. It's like this, have you ever quit drinking for awhile? Whether it's because you had a real bad night or your girlfriend threatened you or you have court coming up or whatever, you decide to take it easy for awhile. But then that totally sucks and you are in a crabby mood so you eventually break down and start drinking again. Aren't you that much happier? Don't you feel like 100 times better after? That's what this game is like for me and considering the fact that I may have just described a symptom of alcoholism I feel pretty good about it.

Watching the Brewers suck on TV is terrible. Watching the Brewers suck live is slightly more palpable. Everything is always better at Miller Park. That's why tonight I am going to be living up to the title of this website. The Brewers sucking is what ails me and the only medicine is Miller Park. Like Prince made Applonia purify herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka in Purple Rain, I have to purify myself in the beers of Miller Park. It's the only way we can get out of this in one piece.


28
Jul 09

Sitting Waiting Wishing: The Zen of Miller Park Drunk

zenchaThe Brewers should win today. We're playing the Pirates.

The Brewers should turn it around today.

The Brewers are going to make a move to get better.

The Brewers should win today. We're playing the Nationals.

The Brewers should be making a trade today.

And so on. It's starting to feel like all I do is wait on the Brewers. Since the All-Star break they are 4-7 despite playing only one team with a winning record. They are below .500 and four games behind the Cubs. The Cubs, people. I'm just about as easygoing when it comes to this team as a person can be. Suppan gives up 5 runs against the Pirates in 3.1 innings? That's okay, we'll score seven. I know it. Then we do and then we lose. Dave Bush isn't coming back? That's okay we'll go out and make a trade. Only we don't. We're 4-6 since the All-Star break and at .500? That's okay, the Nationals are coming to town. Then Josh Willingham hits two grand slams. And honestly, I got a bit shook for a moment. I actually said things like "if they don't win this game, it's over". I started to go through my tickets and tried to figure out if I could break even selling the rest of them. I was on the verge of giving up IN JULY which is so ridiculous and unlike me that I had to sit myself down and tell myself to relax. Then I gave myself two Ambien and called myself in the morning.

Look, I don't know what the team should do. Well, actually I do. They should put together a winning streak. Stay close. Win the next 5 games against the Nationals and Padres (or at least 4 of them). The August schedule is ridiculously easy. After the Dodgers, the best team they play is the Astros (despite the better record their run differential is terrible). Other than that it's the Pirates, Padres, Nationals and Reds. This is the time. Win these games. Then find out what you're made of in September when they play 13 games against the Cubs and Cardinals. That's when we'll know if this team can do it, but to get to that point they have to beat these easier teams. Stop making the Nationals and Pirates look like the Yankees and Red Sox. They have to have a good August. It's not over yet, despite what the record or the numbers might tell you. Looking at the schedule the Brewers should be favored in 27 of the next 30 games so anyone who says the Brewers should be sellers at the deadline clearly doesn't know how to read a schedule.

So I am not going to freak out. I am not going to say that the team needs to make a trade or get rid of this guy or that guy. I am not going to call for anyone's head. I am just going to continue to sit and wait and wish and things should even out so that they're ready to do something when September rolls around. That's when things matter and that's my advice to you dear fan. Relax. We still got a long way to go and the road to get there is pretty smooth all through August. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to drink a six pack and do some yoga.


24
Jul 09

Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show with Right Field Bleachers, Part 2

beermilwaukeeshirtPart one was a bit more by the book and with part two we had a bit more fun. If you aren't already doing so check out Right Field Bleachers, it's a lot like this site only with more writers, more photshopping and less pretend conversations. Good stuff.

MPD: Congratulations on making me gag myself. Once with the clam chowder analogy and a second time at the thought of Vicente Padilla in a Brewers uniform (hang on.... yep, this one just made me gag a third time). I think we're all at the point now where we are getting antsy for the Brewers to do something. Earlier in the season Melvin was quote as saying he wasn't sure if he needed a bat or a pitcher and I think it has become painfully clear to anyone with even the slightest of baseball knowledge (Tom Haudricourt comes to mind) what the team needs. We're well past the point of wondering if this team will make a move and now we are forced to sit and wait for it to happen. We've actually been (seemingly) waiting so long that it's gotten to the point where people are wondering if they might actually need two starting pitchers. I'm all about waiting for the right deal/player/trade, but come on already. People are dying out there!

You mentioned that you wouldn't mind seeing Corey Hart leaving in a trade and my kneejerk reaction is to say "well, who would replace him?" (Catalanatto is probably a better hitter, but a HUGE defensive dropoff. Gerut is the opposite.) At the same time the two easiest positions to fill on the field are first base and corner outfield. There are lots of bats out there that could step in and do close to what he's doing so I could almost see it. Almost. I'm just not convinced the team is ready to give up on him yet (which is weird considering all the grief he gave them in arbitration.) Does his popularity have anything to do with it? I don't know, but the more I think about Corey Hart, the more he reminds me of Jeff Francouer of the Braves. No great batting eye to speak of. Power to spare. Perpetually underachieving. Short flashes of brilliance. Ends up league average or worse. Hart is older, but he's like Francouer in that he was a lot better two years ago. Hart's improved his walk rate quite a bit this year (which could easily come back to Earth), but so did his strikeout rate went up too and it's come at the cost of some power (which could easily not come back to Earth). I am not sure if he's ever going to be much better than he was in 2007 and considering his first half of 2008 was likely a serious outlier, maybe dangling him out there is the right move. If the team can get some value for him now, why not? Sure, a few thousand female fans would be upset but they had to have figured out he wasn't really attractive at some point right? I don't know if Corey Hart gets you Ian Snell of the Pirates or Erik Bedard of the Mariners. I really just don't know, but I'd like to see Doug try and figure that out. I suspect even the Moustache hates hearing that at-bat music three times a game.

Forget Hart for a second though, let's talk about another can't miss Brewer: Mat Gamel. He only spells his name with one T so you know he's bad ass. I understand (and love) that Casey McGehee has been playing out of his mind for the past month, but can this dude get more than one start in a week? He's shown flashes and in my arm-chair-scout-who-has-no-idea-what-he's-talking-about opinion his at-bats have improved since he first came up quite a bit. He deserves an honest shot out there before they switch McGehee into virtually full time 3B mode. Give him two weeks of starts, then we'll talk. It's all I ask really because I think Gamel could be one of the next great Brewers and he should be out there playing. Or if the team sends him down, it should be to practice right field in preparation for him finishing the season there. Where do you stand on the send him down/keep him up argument and where do you see him going in the future as a Brewer? Continue reading →


20
Jul 09

25 Things About Miller Park Drunk

Remember last year when everyone on facebook was doing that "25 Things" list and then tagging you and trying to get you to do it? Yeah, I never did that. Big League Stew did a baseball related one earlier this year, but we weren't well enough known to be asked (yeah, that's why I'm sure of it). Well, in the interest of always trying different things and lack of any great ideas for our 200th POST we decided to participate. Here's what we came up with.

  1. I don't own a single bobblehead and I never have. If I did get one I am pretty sure I would sell it. Unless it was the Jeff Suppan bobblehead because that has no value.
  2. Before the season I told my friends that I would meet my next girlfriend at Miller Park. Thus far this has not happened. (I blame Ryan Braun.)
  3. When I was a kid I went to a Brewers game and got a foul ball via some Happy Youngster-esque means (batting practice+glove+ball out of reach=glove/belt combo) then later got it signed by two players: Fernando Vina and Derek Jeter. I may have been too old to have that glove, but I know that now and knowing is half the battle. The ball is still around here somewhere.
  4. I have an unhealthy man crush on Ichiro Suzuki and can often be seen in a Mariners hat. This does not change the way I feel about the Brewers.
  5. My main influences for Miller Park Drunk are Bill Simmons (like everyone who writes about sports on the internet), Deadspin, Kissing Suzy Kolber and The Dugout, but I would never be here if it wasn't for Scotsmanality (this probably best describes it, this is where Scotsman is now). He always did what you didn't expect him to do and that's something I always  try to remember. He did, however, tell me not to start this blog so it's not like he's a genius or anything.
  6. I HATE the Yankees more than any team in any sport. When my son was born a friend of his mother purchased a baby Yankees jersey for him and I told her that it would "never, ever touch his skin as long as I was alive with the possible exception of being used as a baby wipe." This didn't go over well and led to an enormous fight that I am likely still feeling the effect of, but was the absolute truth and to my knowledge has never happened.
  7. Honestly? I never considered myself a "true" Brewers fan until around the time Mark A took over the team. I always supported them, but at the same time I was smart enough to know that the Seligs had no clue how to run a team and never would. History has proven me correct in this thinking.
  8. I have never taken a college course in writing. Does this one surprise you? It's not like we're doing mind blowing work here, but I like to think we're a step above a lot of the blogs out there.
  9. As a kid my favorite player was Albert Belle. Yes, that Albert Belle. I have no explanation for this at all.
  10. My favorite Brewer (that's not currently on the team)? I like to say Paul Molitor, but I remember him more for his work as a Blue Jay. The real answer is probably Dave Nilsson.
  11. One of my life long goals is to throw a decent knuckleball. I should probably stop biting my nails if I ever want this to happen.
  12. I play Baseball Mogul almost every day and have for the past two years despite the fact that the game hates Milwaukee. Seriously, every single game I play as the Brewers has us losing money and last in ticket sales. Drives me insane. (Don't even get me started on their Braun ratings.)
  13. I rarely tailgate and usually hit the Fridays before the game. I try to keep my tailgating to times I am with a lot of people and we have the time to get there 2-3 hours before the game (I hate missing first pitch). If you are going with one or two people it's kind of pointless to break out the grill and the bags. Fridays has Spotted Cow, but keep me away from the Long Islands. That doesn't usually end well.
  14. I am now a published writer featured on Decider. You can find our story in the Milwaukee Decider or the Madison Decider depending on your location. Can you believe someone actually paid me to make jokes about douchebags?
  15. And since that article decided to use my real name, here's my favorite picture of me at Miller Park. Doing the Lion King with my son at Friday's Front Row.
    lion king

Alright, that's only 15 but I think that's enough and now you know. Thanks for supporting us for the first 200, here's to the next 200. Check out our article in the Decider. We'll be back later to talk about the newest Brewer and more.


02
Jul 09

Miller Park South sucks

I love the Milwaukee Brewers, obviously, but for some reason the team seems to be obsessed with creating a "Miller Park South" environment at Wrigley Field whenever the Brewers go down to play the Cubs. To me, this makes absolutely no sense at all. First of all, why encourage people to spend money on tickets to go to Wrigley Field? For the price of ONE Cubs game a smart wrigleyfieldfan can probably go to two or three Brewers games. Second of all, Miller Park is an amazing place to watch baseball and it is a well built, safe, comfortable building. Why would you want to tarnish it's name by calling a dump like Wrigley Field the same name, only South? It does not make any sense.

I can hear you so-called baseball purists out there right now, "Wrigley Field is a magical place to watch a baseball game! and "Wrigley Field has a storied history, Babe Ruth played there!" To which I say, big freaking deal. Do you know what I like in a ballpark? The ability to pee, that's what. I like to go to the bathroom and not have to worry about missing three innings, having someone staring at my junk because we're so close our arms are interlocked, getting stage fright or being stuck at the end of the trough that some asshole puking in the toilet splashes his puke on my leg (all things that have happened to me at Wrigley Field, by the way). Do you know what I like in a ballpark? Not having concrete fall on my head, that's what. Oh there is a net protecting me from falling debris? That will save me, nevermind. Do you know what I like to run into when I go to a game? Short concession lines. Oh, and something actually good to eat. Can someone explain to me how the Cubs sell out every home game yet the pizza always tastes five days old? Is this a "Chicago thing"? Do people in Chicago like their Old Style cold, their sports teams terrible and their pizza tasting like it's five days old? I feel like there should be forensic scientists studying stuff like this. There is one more thing I like when I go to a baseball game, the ability to WATCH THE GAME. John Kruk has a better view of his feet than you have of the field from most seats in Wrigley Field, but don't listen to me I'll let a Cubs fan tell you:

What seats have obstructed view at Wrigley Field?

Most of them! Most of the seats in the 200 and 500 level have poles in your way. The 200 level is some of the worst seats in baseball.

(Tickets in the 200 level for tomorrow's game? Between $50-$200. Wrigley Field, ladies and gentleman!)

(In Wrigley Field's defense at least they have those TV screens so you can see what you missed from your obstructed seats. Wait, what? They don't!?)

Oh, but I am sure I am being too hard on Wrigley Field. I mean, you don't go to Wrigley Field to watch baseball, eat, pee, or drink. No, you go to Wrigley Field to EXPERIENCE it, to breathe in the history. That's what you do right? You want to be in the same place that Rogers Hornsby and Babe Ruth and Jody Davis once played in. You go there as much for the history of the park as anything else, but if we could let's be serious for a moment. What history? What history are you talking about?  The Cubs started playing in Wrigley Field in 1916. Since then they have played .491 ball, made 12 postseasons (which came 38 years apart at one point) and won exactly 0 World Series. History, schmistory.

If Cubs fans knew what was good for them they'd burn that place to the ground. And if the Brewers knew what was good for them, they'd stop with all this "Miller Park South" crap. If they want to create a truly memorable fan experience they will do whatever it takes to keep Brewers fans out of that pissbucket and inside Miller Park. Unless, of course, the memories they want to imprint on Brewers fans are those of urinary tract infections, diarrhea and 20 minutes of watching baseball combined with two and a half hours of waiting in line. I'm assuming they don't.

Trust me people, save your time and save your money. Stay the hell away from Wrigley Field.

  • BrewBay

    Ryan Braun Milwaukee Brewers MLB Poster
    Ryan Braun Milwaukee Brewers MLB Poster
    US $3.99
  • Brewers Tickets

  • E-Mail Miller Park Drunk