31
Dec 10

10 Worst Milwaukee Brewers of 2010

Lost in the shuffle of how awesome 2011 is going to be with the additions of Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum, was how truly awful 2010 was. Despite our optimism, this team was eliminated by May and had most fans clamoring for a fire sale at the trade deadline. A lot of the reasons for the team's lack of success were stupid ("Ryan Braun is spending too much time on his restaurants and clothing line!"), some of them had basis in reality ("Coffey is eating too much!"), and some of them were just about Ken Macha sucking, but I don't think anyone can deny how much these ten people screwed up the Brewers' 2010 season.

That's right, it's end-of-the-year list time, and instead of looking back on our favorite moments (of which there are two, trading for Shaun Marcum and trading for Zack Greinke), we want to look back on the ten people who screwed the Brewers in 2010 harder than any of the guys your mom brought home. Luckily for us, just like your mom's "night visitors," most of these guys won't be back either. Continue reading →


18
Oct 10

Sorry Casey McGehee, but the Milwaukee baseball writers are stupid morons

The Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America cast their votes and selected their award winners for the 2010 season. It was no surprise that Yovani Gallardo won the Brewers pitcher of the year award and that John Axford was awarded the "newcomer of the year". I mean, who were people supposed to vote for? There was a slight upset when Trevor Hoffman took down incumbent Craig Counsell for the "Good Guy of the year award". He'll receive a write-up in the JS upon his release and a wanking motion when I read it for the award. The real travesty took place when Anthony Witrado was born in the Brewers team MVP voting. Here's how that went down.

(1st place votes are worth five points, three for second and one for third.)

NAME 1st 2nd 3rd TOTAL
Casey McGehee 3 1 1 19
Weeks 1 3 2 16
Hart 2 1 1 14
Braun 0 1 0 3
Fielder 0 0 2 2

(I had to do some guessing on the voting, but this is the way math worked based on my calculations. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me.)

I don't want to become all "I'm on the internet and I have blog, look at these advanced stats that prove how wrong this is!" guy because then I'd have to kick my own ass, but seriously Casey McGehee is probably the fifth best player on this team and he doesn't deserve this award. Let's look how he stacks up against the other Brewers and you can judge for yourself. Continue reading →


08
Sep 10

Trevor Hoffman saves number 600

Last night Trevor Hoffman saved his 600th game of his career. This is a big number, a number few will ever reach, and on it's own is very impressive. Trevor Hoffman has had a great career and he deserved to make it to this point. He was a great reliever, highly above average, every season of his career except for this one. I am happy for him. Good for you, Trevor. You worked hard to get to this point and you should enjoy it. You are truly one of the best closers of all time and it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Now go away.

I didn't watch last night's game or go to it (despite having free tickets) because as my good friend Tyler Maas pointed out to me on facebook, Sons of Anarchy was on!

Awesome start to Sons tonight. I have no regrets that I watched that instead of seeing some guy get a meaningless amount of whatever at some place.

Do you know how long that show has been on hiatus? Nine months! Do you know how massive my blue balls for this show were? Plus, it's not like this game was going to somehow catapult the Brewers back into contention. I'm glad they won because screw the Cardinals and I guess in some twisted way I am happy that number 600 came against the same team that made us realize that Trevor Hoffman wasn't a good pitcher anymore. I mean, who could forget April 9th when Hoffman gave up the homerun to a guy on one knee? Or April 11th when Hoffman blew it and Casey bailed him out. These were defining moments of his season whether we realized it or not.

The truth is the season is lost and a moment like yesterday can be looked at as a lone bright spot in a long, crappy season. That's nice and maybe next year we can get a HOFFMAN 600 bobblehead, but it still doesn't change the fact that the season could have worked out completely different if Trevor Hoffman didn't singlehandedly lose 5 games before June 2nd. Let's try and keep some perspective here, we're not a bunch of Padres fans who deserve to be blindly happy about this. We're Brewers fans who saw a guy get his 600th save in a career that didn't affect us much.


16
Aug 10

UPDATE: Animals also still hate Trevor Hoffman

animals hate trevor hoffman, even pandas


08
Jul 10

Goodbye Corey Hart

I don't give a crap what happens in today's Milwaukee Brewers game. I really, really don't. After last night's 15-1 loss that saw me:

  1. Drink warm beer on the drive up.
  2. Sweat more than I ever have in my entire life during the first two innings. Seriously, with the roof and panels closed Miller Park turns into the world's largest sauna.
  3. Get flaked out on by a date (shut up, female commenters).
  4. Not even enjoy a Rickie Weeks homerun.
  5. Leave early. (!)

It wasn't the best day for me and after all of that, I don't really feel like watching or caring today. The playoff chances that me and like two other people were holding onto are now gone. The Milwaukee Brewers will not make the playoffs. The Milwaukee Brewers will be lucky to finish around .500. This isn't that bad of a thing. [I don't actually believe this one bit. It is the frickin' worst thing. - Editor] I guess we should have seen this coming after Trevor Hoffman blew all those saves and we had that one losing streak, right? We dug a big, early hole that was going to be near impossible to dig our way out of. We weren't able to do the impossible and now we will not make the playoffs. It happens, we'll try again next year (which I am totally pumped for by the way). This season is over.

This doesn't mean that I am going to quit this site or even write less. Hell, I'll probably write more now that this weight of contention is off of my shoulders. This worrying about the outcomes of every single game. I can just enjoy the games and the Miller Park experience. I can go into a few games during the third inning and not feel like I am missing anything. As a matter of fact, I think I will do that for all future Chris Narveson starts. I really wanted this season to work out, but it didn't. I can deal with this.

Now I'll be right back to talk about Corey Hart. I just need a minute to process. I'm just going to watch this music video a few times and reflect on my entire life.

It pours. Man, it pours.

/wipes eyes

Okay, aaannnnndddd I'm good. I'm back. I never wanted them to do good this season anyways. [Again, a total lie. I wanted them to do good so bad. -Editor]

At some point during yesterday's loss I realized that this may be one of the last times I see Corey Hart in person as a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of Corey Hart jokes on this site and I've complained about him quite a bit in the past too. What can I say? It was the cool thing to do. Still, I am really going to miss the guy and not just for the jokes. [This is sort of a lie. I will really miss the jokes. -Editor] The truth is that I've always liked Corey Hart, but he's just always seemed to let me down. I wanted him to be good, like he is now, for so long that he just ended up letting me down so many times that I lashed out. Its like when my son tells me he doesn't want to watch Wall-E. I mean, Why wouldn't you want to watch Wall-E? It's a tale of true robot love and a little robot could that shows more emotion than your stupid Veggietales could ever dream of and you don't want to watch it? What the hell is wrong with you, little kid? Its stupid and irrational for me to get this upset about it, but that's how I've always thought. Why can't you be better, Corey? And then, of course, it happened and I was too stupid to realize it. Continue reading →

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