23
Jul 13

Chris Benoit

It's no secret that I love wrestling. I reference it all the time and I write about it on the side. It's my thing, but there was once a time when I thought I would never watch wrestling again and that's when Chris Benoit killed his family and himself.

My girlfriend at the time was pregnant with my child that I was completely unprepared for and our relationship was a bit... let's say rocky. My irresponsibility combined with her pregnancy brain and worries about the future combined with the general instability of our relationship in general had us on the rocks. Things weren't really looking good, but we were trying to make it work. For the kid maybe or ourselves or more likely because not trying and dealing with it seemed so damn horrible. We set up a date where we'd get dinner and she'd let me watch Raw and we'd just hang out. Try to have fun, try to have a good time, try to talk. ryanguilty

Before she came over I went online and got a message from my friend Graeme that Chris Benoit was dead and so was his family. I was in shock. This was one of my absolute favorite wrestlers and he was dead. Was he murdered? Was it a gas leak? I felt really bad. Our plans would have to change. I didn't want to eat. I was sad that this wrestler dude who had been apart of my life every week for nearly ten years was gone. Graeme, another guy Brando and I chatted online for hours as the news slowly trickled in. We watched the Raw that was a tribute to him and that slowly became the worst idea ever as before it was over the truth came out: Benoit murdered his family and then killed himself. He was the worst person ever. I felt horrible. I went from sad to depressed to sad and depressed that I was sad and depressed over a murderer. I couldn't experience joy. I jut felt sick to my stomach and I hated everything about life and this world and the way things are. This, as you can imagine, did not sit very well with the mother of my future child. She couldn't understand how I could be so upset about someone I didn't even know. She wanted me to pay attention to her and be attentive and not be so caught up in this fake world. Wrestling was on TV, but she was right there and I couldn't see what was happening right in front of my face. She didn't get it and that night after one of my favorite wrestlers of all time murdered his family and himself, we broke up. A bad night made worse.

After that I couldn't watch wrestling for a long time. It was a constant reminder of those bad memories and it wasn't fun for me anymore. I stopped playing wrestling games, I stopped reading news and results, got rid of my shirts, got rid of my books and I quit watching. Wrestling was over for me because some guy ruined it.

I'm not writing this because I want to compare Ryan Braun to Chris Benoit (or Aaron Hernandez) because I am a rational human being that can tell the difference between breaking a sport's rules and murdering people, but I can't help but to feel similar feelings. Continue reading →


01
Aug 12

Let’s talk about The Dark Knight Rises plotholes

The Dark Knight trilogy is pretty much my favorite thing to ever happened to comic book movies. The Avengers was awesome and everything I wanted from it, but nothing can ever top Christopher Nolan's epic trilogy. Every movie felt bigger than itself, bigger than some comic book. It felt like real life only if real life was freaking terrible and there were all these people trying to destroy our city. I love the Dark Knight trilogy.

The Dark Knight Rises came out a week ago and was basically the perfect end to the series. There are people who will say that they like The Dark Knight better than they like Rises and that's fine. Heath Ledger put in one of the all time tour de force show stopping acting performances of all time and it's hard not to like that. Me? It's too early to tell. I think Batman Begins might be my favorite because the truth of the series is that Bruce Wayne, not Batman, is the very best character they created for the series. Dark Knight is awesome, but it is the Joker show and Bruce Wayne is hardly a thing in it. A part of me likes Rises the best because the Bruce Wayne stuff is top notch. As is the Alfred part, JGL's character and the awesomeness of Anne Hathaway's performance. The truth is that I really want Rises to be my favorite, but I can't because there are just too many glaring plotholes that take me out of the movie and now I am going to talk about them.

(Just in case you are really dumb. The rest of this post is spoilers.) Continue reading →


16
Jun 12

Pants Party 2 is one month away!

We are now one month away from Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 2 and somehow there are still tickets available. I don't know why. It's a great deal and you get to drink with some of the coolest people around (and Tyler.) We're drinking, we're eating, we're playing games and we're giving a ton of stuff away in a raffle. It's going to be a good time. So why aren't we sold out?

Well, I have a theory. You see about a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend and somehow thought writing terrible blog posts would get her back. (It didn't. Thank god.) What I didn't think of at the time was that I sounded like a total pussy and a year later nobody would want to come to my Pants Party because they think I have no balls. Seriously, look at this:

Not trying to get too "inside baseball" here, but the truth is that when you stop being yourself you stop being someone that people like to spend time with. Being "the" Miller Park Drunk all the time was a stupid goal and I've changed in a way where that isn't what I want to do anymore, but that doesn't mean that I want to stop having great times at Brewers games.

(Excuse me I have to stab myself in the eye with a lead based pencil a few times. Be right back.) Continue reading →


19
Apr 12

The Best Milwaukee Brewers Blog In The World

Miller Park Drunk is the Shepherd Express 2012 Winner for Best Sports Blog.

I got the invite in the mail to this party while I was in Miami for Wrestlemania. I read it, decided not to go and then I didn't really think about it again until yesterday when Tyler asked me if I wanted to go to the party, you know, just in case we won. Again, I decided not to go and instead we went to a Brewers game. The truth is I didn't want to go. I just had all these thoughts running through my head about it.
Do I have to bring a date? Who would that be? What? No, not her. Oh, like you've never slept over at a girl's house and been woken up by her kid. Shut up.
What if I didn't win, wouldn't that be a colossal waste of time? What if I did win? Would I have to give a speech? Would my speech get me laid by my date? Who is that going to be again? What if my speech sucked and I didn't get laid?

It just seemed like too much of a hassle for a web award, honestly. Who cares right? I don't need any validation, I'm a man! Well, today I found out that we won and I was surprised at just how happy it made me.

Look, I know in the grand scheme of things that this award doesn't really mean anything. It definitely doesn't mean that this blog is "better" than any of the other blogs out there or that I am an amazing writer. (To be fair, I am.) It just means that people like reading this thing and I think that's pretty cool. I've been calling this "the best Milwaukee Brewers blog in the world" for awhile now, but that was mostly just pro-wrestling style posturing. The fact that some people actually believe that in real life is a pretty cool thing and I really do appreciate that. I'll try to update more just for you guys. How does twice a month sound?

Okay, I guess this is the part where I thank people. I'd like to thank the rest of Team MPD which is basically just Tyler and Steph. I think you two are really cool and funny so when you two tell me how cool and funny you think I am I believe it. You should tell me that more often actually. That one time just isn't cutting it. I'd like to thank Ryan Braun for giving me so much material to work with, but then testing positive for something and forcing me to re-evaluate my feelings on him thus giving me even more material. All our best posts are about you, buddy. I'd like to thank Prince Fielder for doing that McDonalds commercial as a kid. I'd like to thank Doug and Mark for putting together a team that is so worthwhile to write about. If this was a Pirates blog I would have gave up a long time ago. (Remember when I did that Bucks blog for like a week? lol.) I'd like to thank the state of Wisconsin for being the best state in the world and, of course, I'd like to thank all of the readers.

Thanks to those of you who comment on stuff we do. Like Tuco who actually wrote the sentence "Vince is a kinder gentler human these days" in my defense and apparently meant it or SconnieGirl808 who I have been missing lately. I read every comment and I appreciate all of them. Thanks to the person on reddit who said I was a great guy. (Seriously, where do you guys get this from?) Thanks to all my people on twitter. I did twitter for awhile and thought it was stupid, but ever since the playoffs last year I can't quit you. You make watching a baseball game alone at home on my laptop fun. An additional thanks goes out to the twitter people for getting @millerparkdrunk to trend in Milwaukee during Braun's speech in spring training. That was neat! (I think.) Thanks to the other blogs who shout out to us and do the real analysis so we can do that thing we do. Let me know if you ever want to get weird. Thanks to everyone who came to the Pants Party two years ago and everyone who is going to come to this year's party (COMING SOON I PROMISE.) It was fun doing keg stands in my boxers with you guys. Just thanks to everyone who likes this. Seriously, thanks I mean it.

Finally, I'd like to thank the team of programmers who created the program that voted for this site more than any other. No way we could have won this award without you!

Alright, that's all I got. Real posts coming soon.


27
Oct 10

What Brewer would you trust with your girlfriend?

I do my best not to get jealous when it comes to my girlfriend. Whether it's her puzzling lifelong crush on Jason Mraz or the people who won't stop telling me how "lucky" I am to be with her or any of her assorted male best friends, I do my best not to let it bother me. After all she is with me and not them for a reason, I don't know what that reason might be (I suspect some sort of experiment for college credit), but the fact is that she is with me and not them. So I try not to get jealous, but she's attractive and she owns a vagina so she gets hit on a lot. I do my best not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. Like the other day.

The other day she went to the corner store where we normally go to pick up alcohol and other drinks and the cashier (who never does this sort of thing) asked her if she had a boyfriend. She told him that she did and when he asked if it was "that guy you're always in here with" she told him that yes, that was me and I was her boyfriend. (Good work, btw girlfriend.) I would have preferred "Yeah he's my boyfriend you got a problem with that douchebag? His name is Vince and he will f*ckin' END you for this, dog", but she's not Lil' Kim and probably way too nice to even think to say something like that. Plus, she probably doesn't believe I could actually end anybody. Still, that should have shut him up right? He should be apologizing to her. Apologizing for the great disrespect that he has shown for the two of us and our relationship because we seem like nice people and are probably a really good couple. "Sorry," he should say, "I messed up," but of course he doesn't do that. No, he has something to say. He says "Oh...."

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

I heard that he was gay.

Seriously? That's your play, guy who I always talk to about sports? Really, guy who I once told to "start stocking condoms because I don't want another kid"? That's your move? Really? You sure about that, guy with a neck tattoo who is out of her league anyways?

(And I'm not gay. I watch professional wrestling! There's nothing gay about that, that's for sure!)

It sucks. I can't even trust my girlfriend to buy me a Vitamin Water without some jerkoff trying to hit on her, but the truth is that when it comes to your girlfriend you really can't trust anybody. How many movies are there about best friends in love with the same girl or the guy in love with his brother's fiance? How many vampires have to steal girls from werewolves before we learn that this stuff happens in real life? It happens all the time, every single day and there is only a few people in the world that you can trust.

I know that with my girlfriend I can trust the following people: Continue reading →

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