18
Dec 09

F Christmas, it’s my frickin’ birthday!

Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it:

Drinking Heavily Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Birthday Continue reading →


08
Dec 09

Winter Meeting Madness

randywolfSo, you've probably noticed this site has been kind of quiet as of late. I think I actually saw a little dust collecting on the header. You're probably thinking that Miller Park Drunk is another in the long line of Brewers blogs that got tired of doing it and closed up shop without ever telling anyone, but I assure you that is not the case here. Why would we quit when Seth McClung is thanking the author by name and apologizing for his typing? (You're forgiven.) Why would I quit when there are all these chicks dying to sleep with me? Why would I quit when Ryan Braun's restaurant hasn't even opened yet? Clearly, the world isn't ready to let us quit.

No, the reason you haven't been reading much here lately is because we don't write about bullshit. (Unless, of course, we are the ones making up said bullshit.) I don't want to speculate about silly rumors and then find out later that they weren't true. I don't want to attack an acquisition that never happens. It's just not our style.

The thing with these rumors is they are always ridiculous. Doug Melvin could be in line at a Starbucks where Mark Mulder has been working as a barista and all of the sudden we are on the verge of signing him. Continue reading →


25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


17
Nov 09

Brandon Jennings and the Bucks

According to an extremely small sample size of my twitter followers the Bucks aren't quite back, but Brandon Jennings definitely has their attention. Following one player over the rest of the team seems about par for the course for an NBA team so this isn't very surprising. Personally I make no qualms about liking the Bucks now specifically because of this one player so I don't really have a problem with it. He's awesome and it's certainly better than not liking the Bucks at all right? But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that while this sort of behavior is perfectly acceptable for you and me maybe the rest of the Bucks players don't feel the same way. Everyone I talk to says that the past few games at the Bradley Center have been the loudest they have been to in years and it's all because of this one guy. That can't do much for Andrew Bogut's self esteem, right? Then again, what do I know about the Bucks locker room? It's not like I have ever been inside of it, recording their conversations and dictating them on the internet. OR HAVE I. Continue reading →


10
Jul 09

Friday Quick Hits

mannyPretty big series coming up with the Dodgers, but I guess they are all big when you're in a playoff. We should think of a different way to describe this. Difficult series ahead? I mean, it's considered a big series because the Dodgers are good and beating them will be difficult. Either way, I'm nervous about it with Mike Burns being prominently involved (at least he is facing Jeff Weaver, I think the over and under for this game is going to be in the teens). After this it's the All-Star break where our very own Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder will be participating. I'm looking forward to Prince in the Home Run Derby, but also secretly holding out for Russell The Muscle to appear. That'd be sweet. Anyways, here's a few quick hits to get you ready for the weekend.

  • What is the deal with the national anthem at Miller Park? I went to a game this week and started to cheer before the song ended and was greeted with dirty looks. Ummm, what? I'm of the belief that people should go absolutely crazy during the national anthem (like at this Blackhawks game). It's called patriotism. Especially when the person singing it is an Elvis impersonator. I mean, that's just science. Wake up people.
  • Speaking of the game I went to this week I did a bit of live tweeting it on twitter. Say what you want about twitter, but if you're not following us you're missing out on tweets like this: "strangest game ever. i just saw two girls make out and a guy in a vikings favre jersey." Or pics like this (his friend was wearing a Mandarich jersey.) I don't smoke, but all these things happened on the smoking deck. I feel like this means something, but I'm not sure what exactly. Twitter, it's a good time.
  • Speaking of social media, guess who searched out Miller Park Drunk and became a fan of us on facebook?trenni
    TRENNI KUSNIEREK! I wonder how she feels about me making fun of her buddy A-Dub all the time. Anyways, if you haven't already follow Trenni's lead and become a fan of us on facebook. We even have the spiffy facebook.com/MillerParkDrunk URL.

  • I meant to mention this earlier in the week, but Right Field Bleachers has video of a Remetee event at decibel. So many things to say about this video. Douchebag levels are off the charts. Someone needs to delete this video ASAP, if Kim Jong Il sees this he's sending a missle to Milwaukee tomorrow.
  • Do me a favor. If you go to the games this weekend, ask Manny Ramirez if he wants to play spies.

That's all I got. We'll be back Monday with some cool stuff to keep you occupied when there are no games going on. As for this weekend series? I'd be okay with 1-2, excited for two wins and absolutely ecstatic for a sweep. Honestly, I'm more concerned about the games coming up after the break against the Reds, Nationals, Pirates, Braves and Padres. Those are the ones we NEED to win.

Have a good weekend everybody.

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