16
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest Part 2

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event.

In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. Convinced that they are the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who is. Continue reading →


05
Oct 09

Why Miguel Cabrera is an a-hole

miguel-cabreraLast week I did a playoff preview where I went through each team individually and tried to pick a favorite (and it looks like I'll be an honorary Coors Field Drunk for the rest of this month). I went through each of the playoff teams and decided that the Tigers were going to win the division. The Twins had something like a 5% chance of coming back and I didn't think they would do it. Here's what I said.

(Skipping the Twins. They aren't coming back.)

That's it. I didn't even feel the need to justify it and now they are in a one-game playoff for the AL Central title to be played tomorrow.

(Quick tangent on this: Each year the MLB holds a series of coinflips in the event of tiebreakers to decide the home team. The Twins won this coinflip. (As lar pointed out in the comments this has been changed, but the overall point still stands.) Now, why wouldn't the MLB look at the schedule and say "You know, we want these tiebreakers to take place on Monday. We don't want either team gaining an advantage and we want the playoffs to start on Tuesday. Even though you won the toss, if you can't have that game on Monday, we're going to have that game on Monday in Detroit. Sorry." How hard would that be? The playoffs take forever as it is, why add a day because Brett Favre unretired?)

So, the Tigers play the Twins in a four game series and they split it when everyone says the Twins need to win 3 of 4 to have a chance. Then they sweep the Royals while the Twins fall apart against the White Sox. WHY? Why does this happen? I don't really care about either team at all, but I don't like to be wrong. Who likes to be wrong? Who is responsible for me to possibly be wrong? Miguel Cabrera, that's who. Continue reading →


15
Sep 09

Haray Caray Preview Tonight’s Game

Well, yesterday I promised you a very special guest writer today and here he is, HARRY CARAY!!!!!! Also, follow me on twitter!

harrycarayHello again everybody and welcome to the Miller Park Drunk game preview of the, uh, Cubs and Brewers live from, uh, Wrigley Field. *coughs* Lemme tell ya, being dead is tough business. Ho lemme tell ya. It a beautiful day for baseball here at Wrigley Field and the Cubs look to win their second straight against the Milwaukee Brewers. Boy could I go for another cold Budweiser right now, Steve. I remember one time we were in Milwaukee when I was announcing for the White Sox, lemme tell ya I had one too many Budweisers and I woke up in a place that,  uh, I couldn't even pronounce the name of but it had those two, uh, those two dots over a couple of the letters and the worst part about it was I had no pants on! Holy cow. I much prefer to sleep in my own bed, but I guess that's what happens when you take a pill given to you by a stranger. Speaking of strangers, Steve, this woman came up to me that night and she told me she was a big Cubbies fan and then grabbed my package. She says to me, she says "Harry" and I said, "yes" and she says "is that your package in my hand?" and I looked her straight in the eye and says to her I says "It could be. It might be. It is!" I'm just pulling your chain there Steve. Man am I glad I was dead for that Bartman thing.

Hopefully the Cubs can get a win tonight and send some of these fans home happy. You know what makes me happy? Those Asian massage parlors, ho-ly cowww. Let's get some runs!


20
Aug 09

So long Bill Hall, I will miss your super white smile

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Dear Bill Hall,

Well, it's been fun hasn't it? Milwaukee, I like to think, was pretty good to you. You were the only player on the team to get his own specialized chant (Bill clap, clap, clapclap, HALL, Bill...) which is a feat that may never be duplicated since the majority of fans only seem capable of doing the "Let's Go Brewers" chant. (Seriously, we can't do any better than that? Are we that devoid of creativity? Any chance "Less filling!", "Tastes great!" can come back?) You had that one amazing season which was a total fluke, but you got paid for it anyways. As time went on you got progressively worse and despite maintaining your excellent defensive skill you slipped to the point that your contract was the only thing keeping you on the team. It was sad to see as you were one of my favorites, but if you're not hitting it doesn't matter how much people like you. That's just the way it is. I always knew you had the goods, but something just didn't work. Were you trying to hit 35 homeruns on every swing? Because that's not you. You are more like a 20 guy. I am convinced that season was the worst thing that ever happened to you. Continue reading →


19
Aug 09

This isn’t the first time the Brewers have let you down

While I am still not 100% committed to throwing in the towel on the 2009 Brewers season the fact remains that in order for the Brewers to make the playoffs this season will require a minor miracle. Not quite a water into wine type miracle, but something along the lines of the Brewers bullpen holding a lead, Jason Kendall getting an extra base hit or an awful writer not losing his job when the newspaper industry is going broke. The mere existence of Anthony Witrado gives our season hope.

Whatever happens this season know that this isn't the first time the Brewers have let fans down after a successful season. In 1982 they made the World Series and on August 25th 1983 they were in first place, but by the end of the season they were 11 games back and in a pre-Wild Card world out of the playoffs (not that they would have made it anyways). So if you are feeling let down by the Brewers now, just imagine what it was like in 1983. You know, besides totally awesome.

Or we could just do the imagining for you. That's right, it's Miller Park Drunk: 1983 Edition.

Continue reading →

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