In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. In part two convinced that they were the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who liked him at Miller Park only to be met with more failure and a cross-dressing Doug Melvin. In part three Anthony blamed the state of Wisconsin instead of his own shortcomings and headed back to his home in California where his favorite team was playing a meaningful game, but he found that Hollywood celebrities and the Dodgers did not like him either. With nowhere to go he returned to Wisconsin looking for answers.

INT - MILWAUKEE, WI JOURNAL SENTINEL HEADQUARTERS

	ADub: i just dont get it bra. why they all haterz?
	TomH: Because baseball is an evil, evil game. Did you watch that extra inning Yankees/Angels game on Saturday? It was like they were purposefully trying to get me to cut myself.
	ADub: but its not just baseball. er'body hatin on me tom. i just dont get it.
	TomH: It's the internet. The internet makes people hate you.
	ADub: wtf u talkin bout tom? the internet loves me. i am always gettin compliments and shit in my chats.
	TomH: That's just because they want you to answer their questions and they think that if they say nice things to you then you'll answer them. The rest of the internet hates you with a passion, go ahead and google "Anthony Witrado sucks".

	ADub: wtf is this? who is miller park drunk?
	TomH: Some fat internet loser with tons of built up high school angst that spends an enormous amount of his time making fun of successful people. I think he lives in his mom's basement.
	ADub: lol he is a blogger, but do ppl be readin this shit? believin ima douchebag and sayin i shold get fired and shit?
	TomH: Oh yes it's pretty popular. 450+ fans on facebook. 750+ on twitter. Not bad for a site that's main claim to fame is making fun of The Happy Youngster.
	ADub: oh man this is so fuct. i gotta find this ninja, i gotta stop this shit.
	TomH: It's not like he's the only one who hates you on the internet, but that'd be a start.
	Some time later in a small Wisconsin town. Anthony Witrado has arrived at a non-descript building in downtown. He climbs the stairs and knocks on the door.
	MPD: Hello?
	ADub: ya dog, is ur name vince?
	MPD: Yes.
	ADub: u the vince from miller park drunk?
	MPD: I am.
	ADub: good well im anthony the truth witrado from the miltown jizzy sentnel. i wanna kno y u always be talkin shit about me. wtf i ever do to u man?
	MPD: Well, I don't really think you are that good at your job. Your answers in your chats are uninformed despite, you know, access. You start those silly game threads and say negative things about the team then quit them after a couple of innings. Overall, you just aren't a very good writer and you get paid for it.
	ADub: so ur just jealous cuz i get paid to do this and u dont
	MPD: Not in the slightest. The Journal Sentinel probably wouldn't let me make vaguely racial and misogynist jokes or have fake conversations among the players. Plus, when would I ever get drunk at a game? Having your job would defeat the whole purpose. You just aren't good.
	ADub: ok fine im not a good writer, but why u gotta make me talk like this? why cant i talk like a real person? why i always gots to be sayin "and shit" after all my sentences and be havin grammer so bad it make brandon jennings embarassed?
	MPD: Because it's funny?
	ADub: aight, aight i can appreciate that. i own some dane cook albums, i know funny shit. but my prob is this, you prob wouldnt say this shit to my face right? youd probably like act like a bitch and say "oh i was just playin" and try to be my buddy and shit. so why u do it?
	MPD: Would I say these exact things? Probably not, but I would definitely like to tell you that you sucked. I would definitely say something about your dressing like an extra from Malibu's Most Wanted. I don't like you just to look cool on the internet, I don't like you because I don't like you. You aren't good at your job.
	ADub: tru dat. i frickin suck man.
	MPD: Alright, acceptance is the first step towards admitting that you have a problem. I learned that in N/A.
	ADub: fo real? what u go to N/A fo?
	MPD: Huffing Pam, she's one cruel bitch man. Once she grabs hold of you she never wants to let go. You ever suck dick for Pam?
	ADub: no its freely available at every wal-mart and grocery store
	MPD: Yeah, of course... I've never done that either. It's at the store, of course.
	ADub: dam u bloggers r hardcore lol. hey vince man, can i ask u a favor bro?
	MPD: Shoot.
	ADub: can i get a happy ending? to my story, i mean? not like at that asian massage parlor i hit up at the end of part 3. i just dont want it to end like this.
	MPD: I don't remember writing that part, but alright. If that's what you really want, but you're probably not going to like it.
	ADub: shit how could it be worse than everyone i encounter hatin me and shit?
	OPENING DAY 2010 Anthony Witrado is nervous. The JSOnline held a contest all winter long for the title of "Witrado's Biggest Fan" and the prize of Opening Day with Anthony. There were many entries, but one shined so far above the rest he had it won by January. Today, Anthony Witrado meets his biggest fan who will then sit by him for the entire game.
	TheHappyYoungster: Hey buddy I hope you brought your glove, we're gonna catch some baseballs!
	ADub: glove? that shits gay man
	TheHappyYoungster: Oh, Anthony always the kidder. I brought you an extra just in case. Hey, what are you doing for Halloween? I was thinking we could go as Batman and Robin because we are gonna be best friends!
	ADub: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
	TheHappyYoungster: So, Chewbacca and Han then?

In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. In part two convinced that they were the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who liked him at Miller Park only to be met with more failure and a cross-dressing Doug Melvin. Blaming the state of Wisconsin instead of his own shortcomings, Anthony headed back to his home in California where his favorite team was playing a meaningful game.

INT - DODGER STADIUM, LOS ANGELES - Friday, October 16th

Trailing 1-0 the Dodgers are in the midst of a rally getting the first two men on in the bottom of the 8th inning.

	ADub: so then i was like yo i'll dislocate yo modifier bitch and tom was all scared and shit and twatted about it or sumthin
	DavidFaustino: Jesus, would you shut up? There's a game going on right now.
	ADub: shit dude i watch baseball for my job i kno whats gonna happen. let me tell ya what the brewers coach kent said to me.
	DavidFaustino: What's going to happen then, Mr. Douche-It-All?
	ADub: this dude is gonna draw a walk and then manny gonna come up and hit a grand slam. dodgers 4. phillies 1.
	DavidFaustino: Manny isn't even up for another six batters.
	Russell Martin hits a grounder to third setting up a routine double play, but there is an ERROR by Chase Utley who throws the ball way off the bag and a run scores to tie the game! The crowd goes crazy!
	ADub: waoh sweet. hey bro hi five!
	DavidFaustino: Sorry I have to get back to work. Are you going to buy some peanuts or not?
	ADub: nah
	Jim Thome, pinch hitting for Kuo, ropes a single to right and Martin advances to third!
	/texts someone
	Furcal walks to load the bases with just one out!
	/gets up to go to the bathroom
	Matt Kemp has struck out!
	ADub: shit i best get down to the clubhouse for the press conference, this games almost done dog.
	AlfonsoRibeiro: Pardon me sir, am I the gentlemen you are referring to as "dog"?
	ADub: naw man stfu
	AlfonsoRibeiro: Well, someone has his rude hat on tonight.
	Andre Ethier has drawn a bases loaded walk and the Dodgers lead 2-1!
	ONE HOUR LATER IN THE DODGERS CLUBHOUSE...
	JoeTorre: He laid off it looked like some tough pitches away, and at 3-and-2 it’s tough when your mentality is swing, swing, swing to take a pitch, and it was huge. Okay, next question. You there in the FUBU shirt.
	ADub: yo joe anthony the truth witrado from the milwaukee jizz sent. what it be homie?
	JoeTorre: I'm sorry are you a journalist? A reporter? A blogger? You're dressed like you're going to an eigth grade dance.
	ADub: ya ya i write about the brewers. look great win today, dodger love baybee but i just wants to asks you if you read my stuff when the dodgers played in milwaukee and what you thought of it.
	JoeTorre: My team just tied the National League Championship Series at one game apiece and you want to ask me what I think of your writing? Is this really happening?
	ADub: fo sho, fo sho. see in wisconsan people be thinkin ima joke and shit and i knew out here in cali i'd be appreciated na mean.
	JoeTorre: Alright. Well, you know how sometimes teams in sports get a newspaper clipping from the local paper and use that as motivation to play especially hard in the upcoming game or series?
	ADub: ya ya fo sho. yall do that wif my stuff?
	JoeTorre: No, actually Milwaukee is the only city we visit where the players have specific instructions not to read your paper. Last season Andruw Jones read your season preview and posted a .505 OPS. Brad Penny read the paper once and started to demand we all call him Lizard.
	ADub: oh come on man thats f'd up
	JoeTorre: F'd up? Try watching Greg Maddux, a Hall of Fame pitcher, smash his own glasses after reading your paper then make a milkshake out of them. That's messed up. Try having Hiroki Kuroda's interpreter get hooked on meth and start offering you discounts BJs because he couldn't properly translate your grammar mistakes. That's f'd up.
	BillPlaschkeLATimes: I once heard Jeff Kent say something racist and/or offensive on the very same day he read your paper!
	JoeTorre: You could say that about every city we played in. You're not helping, Bill.
	ADub: yo kno kanye west was write when he said "maybe my skins not right" yall just hate on me bc i aint white like you. ur all livin in the straight up past, i dont need this. witrado out.
	Anthony Witrado has left the press conference.
	JoeTorre: Or maybe it has nothing to do with the color of his skin, what school he went to or anything else. Maybe he just sucks.
	BillPlaschkeLATimes: Yeah sucks BALLS! BIG ONES!
	JoeTorre: Bill, again with the not helping.
	BillPlaschkeLATimes: Sorry master.

It seems Witrado is hated as much in Cali as he is in Wisco. Where will he go from here? Find out on the next Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event!

In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. Convinced that they are the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who is.EXT - MILLER PARK, MILWAUKEE, WI

Anthony Witrado pulls up to the park in his 89 Camry. The car stops, but the rims keep spinning. Knowing that many have gone home for the year he enters the empty park in search of anyone related with the team to "chillax" with.

	ADub: damn this place is dead, there aint gonna be nobody here
	Anthony looks out onto the field and sees a single player working out. He walks down to the field and discovers that the player is JJ Hardy!
	ADub: yo jj what it be homie? what you doin here?
	JJHardy: Trying to make up lost service time.
	ADub: what?
	JJHardy: Well in August my poor play got me demoted, which was totally sweet, but then I realized that it messed with my service time and my free agency was delayed another year. I figured if I came here and just played by myself I could make some up.
	ADub: will that work?
	JJHardy: My agent says no, but I sent an email to Bud Selig so we'll see. Are you here to do a story about me?
	ADub: no, u kno those two fags i work with at the paper?
	JJHardy: Tom and Mike? Yeah, we call them the smart ones.
	ADub: i kno rite, couple of book nerds. i bet they play computer games and shit.
	JJHardy: No, I mean like "Who did you do the post game interview with?" "One of the smart ones."
	ADub: so i'm like the cool one then?
	JJHardy: rofl
	ADub: whats so funny?
	(still laughing)
	(still laughing)
	JJHardy: Sorry, it's just... (laughs) it's just... I called you the "Latino Wigger one", Prince called you the "functional retard one", Craig Counsell called you "dumber than Woody on Cheers" which I think is a TV show or something. Everyone had a little nickname for you.
	ADub: thats fucked up dog.
	JJHardy: Hey Jody Gerut said you thought you could play with us. Want to hit me some grounders?
	ADub: no i got shit to do. i gotta find someone who appreciates my shit to show those fags at work who da man is.
	JJHardy: Have you tried the Culver's on Miller Park Way? The people who work there are still surprised there's more than one color.
	ADub: whatever bro /flashes the W with his fingers
	Anthony walks up the stairs and onto the concourse. He comes across a man with a white kitchen garbage bag pumping the ketchup, mustard and stadium sauce into it.
	KenMacha: Stay away from my Stadium Kustard! /hiss
	ADub: yo kent it's me, anthony witrado from the jizzle sizzle. u stealin that shit?
	KenMacha: Oh, sorry about that. Why would I steal all these delicious sauces? I get them for free with my job that is in no way in jeopardy. I just like to have a lot of it on hand. I'm not stocking up because I'm worried about job security or anything. Hey, is this for a story? Hang on a second.
	ADub: no i just...
	KenMacha: /pulls out crumpled piece of paper "I'm honored to be back as manager for the Brewers 2010 season and see great things in this team's future."
	ADub: kent i aint hear to do no story. i wanted to ask u what u liked about my writing style?
	KenMacha: I like the way your editor is able to decipher your crayon writing. I like the way your writing makes people think "man, anyone could do this." I like the way you are negative about everything, even our wins. Which is to say I hate your writing.
	ADub: wtf-ever, man. u don't kno shit. i'm goin upstairs to see the big man. he knos whats up. he likes my trade ideas.
	Anthony Witrado walks to the elevator and pushes the button labeled "GM". He steps off the elevator and immediately sees....
	DougMelvin: Oh, ah. Hey... hey there Anthony, what.. what are you doing here? I was just doing some cleaning and my, uh, sweat pants are dirty. Eh.
	ADub: i just wanted to ask you something.
	DougMelvin: Look, if it's about re-signing Lopez for the 500th time, trading Braun, trading Prince, releasing Suppan or moving Weeks to center I don't want to hear it eh!
	ADub: nah, nah nothin like that. its the offseason work is for suckers na mean lol. no i just wanted to ask what some of ur fav articles i wrote were.
	DougMelvin: Your articles are worse than the Canadiens goaltending after Patrick Roy left, eh. I would give up Molson for the rest of my life if I never had to read another one. I would rather wear one of Braun's shirts than read you. I would rather have sex with my wife than..
	ADub: alrite a-hole i get it. u dont like to read good shit just like every1 else in wiscansin. i shoulda known better wit u hicks. you kno what ima do?
	DougMelvin: I assure you I don't care.
	ADub: i'm goin back to cali, cali, cali. i'm goin back to cali. i don't think so.
	DougMelvin: So you are or you aren't? That song never made much sense to me. Eh.
	/makes W with fingers, throws it up
	Anthony Witrado has left Miller Park.
	MarkA: MAID! WHY IS THIS OFFICE SO DIRTY!?

Had enough? We haven't. Find out what happens on Witrado's trip to LA in the next installment of Witrado's Quest!

INT - Journal Sentinel Headquarters, Milwaukee, WI

The Brewers news staff is gathered to discuss offseason plans. Their 2009 team rankings have posted and they are all gearing up for a long offseason with each going their separate ways.

	TomH: Hey check this out guys, Seth McClung tweeted about our grades!
	ADub: Fo real? What it say?
	MikeHunt: What DID it say, Anthony.
	TomH: "A D+ Grade? That must have been a Wittardo grade"
	MikeHunt: lol
	ADub: lolwtf who he think he is brandon looper or sumthin?
	MikeHunt: Who DOES he think he is, Anthony. And according to the internet's ERA+ statistic McClung was more valuable than Looper or Villanueva, both of whom you gave higher grades to.
	TomH: The internet is as stupid as baseball. You know what I hate about baseball? The games take four hours, the season takes three years and the playoffs take another year after that. I'm glad the Brewers didn't make the playoffs, I would have blown my brains out if I had to watch another game.
	ADub: it don't matter he's just a stoopid baseball player. who cares what he thinks?
	MikeHunt: It DOESN'T matter, Anthony.
	ADub: why you always be doin that shit?
	MikeHunt: Why do I always be doing what shit, Anthony? Correcting your grammar?
	ADub: ya
	MikeHunt: Proper grammar is the lifeblood of our society Anthony. A person needs to use proper grammar so their point can be understood and not misconstrued in any way. Dislocated modifiers and mangled syntax obscure your meaning and can destroy your credibility.
	ADub: yea, but writing like a librarian takes away my creative voice. i gotta be me, ya kno? that's why i wear my hat this way, thats why i wear an affliction shirt, thats why ima get a barb wire tat. it lets you know who i be. i aint no punk, i'll mangle my sintagbad if i wanna.
	MikeHunt: Christ, just forget I ever said anything.
	ADub: dats what i thought, bitch. fo real doh, whats big heads prob?
	TomH: Besides having to play a sport that sucks my life away, that causes me to carry a handgun in my suitcase? I'd say he's upset by the fact that he's in a contract year, he suffered injuries and then we wrote that he barely "passed" what we consider to be adequate even though we are unqualified to judge a cat talent show.
	ADub: ya so he's just stoopid rite? if he knew ne thing about baseball he'd kno he sucked and deserved a d+.  he aint got no reason to say that. everyone likes me.
	MikeHunt: I don't.
	ADub: go read a book nerd. tom, tell this bookworm. you like me rite?
	TomH: Let me put it this way Tony. Before you got hired I didn't try to kill myself until mid-August. Now? Pitchers and catchers might as well be called alcohol and pills because that's what I ingest the first time I see you at spring training.
	ADub: whatever, y'all are just haterz. that red headed stepson is the only brewer who aint down with adub. you 3 are the only ones in mke who aint. remember trenni? i hit that, did you hit that? didn't think so.
	MikeHunt: Actually, I did.
	TomH: I did too and I know that you didn't. She told me you tried, but you started crying and calling her a bitch when you got turned down.
	ADub: whatev, i'll show you fools. i'll show all y'all. anthony the truth witrado is a balla! when i get back ima dislocate both y'alls modifiers. witrado out!
	Anthony Witrado has left JSOnline HQ.
	MikeHunt: God, what a tool that guy is. See you next season, Tom.
	TomH: There's going to be a next season? /hangs himself

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR PART TWO!!!