02
Oct 11

Ten

I really can't imagine yesterday going any better for the Brewers than it did. Every starter except Hart and Morgan got on base, Yo looked amazing, Braun and Fielder showed why they are the best duo in all of baseball and from the first inning on everything seemed to go the Brewers way. From the moment Braun threw out Willie Bloomquist you just knew there was no way the Brewers were going to lose this game.

And then there was Prince's homerun. The Brewers didn't need Prince's two run homerun to win this game, but when we think back on this one that will be the image that sticks out in our minds simply because it wasn't supposed to happen this way. Nobody expected them to let Kennedy pitch to Fielder. We were supposed to get the reliever or they were supposed to walk him and then it'd be over with. Instead we got what happened, we got a moment. An image of Prince Fielder celebrating with his teammates that will be replayed over and over in Brewers highlights forever. Amazing.

Also, we got this:

It was an awesome day and yet it is only the beginning. There are going to be a lot more days like yesterday on this run. Ten more like it hopefully.

(I am playing this after every Brewers win from now on. Deal with it.)


30
Sep 11

Tips for making a Brewers playoff baby

I have this friend named John. He is a HUGE Brewers fan and so is his dad. In fact, his dad is such a big Brewers fan that John most likely wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the Brewers 1982 World Series run. You see his parents had sex after one of the games and she got pregnant and later John was born. This kind of thing happens all the time. By my estimation I wouldn't exist if it wasn't for alcohol the series premiere of The Greatest American Hero. (You should see the way my mom cries when she hears "Believe It Or Not".) With the Brewers set to make another run toward the World Series love is definitely in the air. Our "sex in a stadium bathroom" post has been getting record hits over the last week, Bonnie Brewer outfits are completely sold out from the fetish shop I go to and even Al's Ramblings is talking to girls now. The playoffs are here, love is all around us and it is only natural that babies are going to be made as a result.

Of course, having a baby is a big decision that should not be entered into lightly and you should use caution and make bla bla bla because it's something that will affect you for the bla bla bla of your bla bla bla. Who cares!? Really. The Brewers are going to the World Series! You're going to be together with whoever you are with now forever! And you'll name your baby Rickie Prince Ryan Park Drunk Gallardo (your last name)! Everything is going to work out fine! BREWERS!!!!!

Look, you people who are going to do this you know who you are. If you're going to do this then just do it. I make mistakes that will change the rest of my life forever all the time, but if you're going to do this you need to do it right. You can't just rush into this thing, you need a gameplan. You need me to show you the way to make a Brewers playoff baby the right way. In fact, let's do that right now. Continue reading →


29
Sep 11

A Casual Brewers Fan’s Guide to the 2011 NLDS

Everyone keeps saying that we should enjoy this time as Brewers fans because no matter what happens this has been a great season. Many Brewers team records have been set this year, they won their first division since 198-freaking-2 and we have a strong chance of seeing our best player win the MVP award.

Together again. Slightly less drunk.

The regular season shows you who the really good teams are and the playoffs are about luck. If you are a Brewers fan, this is the best time to be alive and every single game is one to be cherished. NO MATTER WHAT. Or at least that's what my even-keeled alter ego would have you believe.

You see today I am not going to be that guy. Today I am going to be your fears personified. I am going to be just as reactionary, judgmental, doubtful, non-believing and fire Ron Roenicke-y as your average Brew Crew Ball editor commenter. (jokes!) Joining me as the voice of reason will be the illustrious Tyler Maas, fresh off a trip to the Vietnamese sweatshop where his slaves employees make his fresh Forward Fabrics t-shirts.

(We started this a few days ago so sorry that some of this is irrelevant.)

MPD: As of right now the Brewers look like they are going to face the Braves in the first round. They can probably beat the Braves, right? I mean, they have better hitting and better pitching and better defense, but we can beat them. (I THINK!?) I'm not worried about the Braves. We kicked them out of Milwaukee and replaced them with the Brewers for a reason.

My question for you Tyler is, what are we going to do if the Brewers end up facing the Phillies? How could we possibly beat them? I saw these regular season games a couple of weeks ago where the Brewers lost 3 out of 4 and they did not look like they could beat the Phillies in those three games that they lost! Has a team ever been eliminated after game 1 before? Is this the year that it happens? Is there any way we can just forfeit the series so everyone can get their playoff ticket money back?

Continue reading →


20
Dec 10

Zack Greinke is our savior

I had a crisis of faith this past season. A crisis of faith in baseball, the MLB and it's system, even the Brewers. I just got tired of it all. The playoffs featuring the big spending Yankees and Phillies, the "underdog" World Series champion with a $100 million dollar payroll, the bargain signings and the Fielder trade rumors. I was just tired of it. Tired of thinking about prospects. Tired of going for 85 wins and luck. Tired of myself. Tired of this town.

When the Brewers made their move for Shaun Marcum those thoughts were completely eliminated. I loved the Brewers again. I had a renewed sense of hope that I just didn't feel last year during the offseason. The Brewers were adding someone to their biggest problem that was a significant upgrade over the people he was replacing. This was huge.

I knew that the Brewers had about an extra 30% chance of making the playoffs with Marcum, but it wasn't going to be enough because even if they made it there were still teams with better pitchers. The Giants haven't changed, the Phillies have only gotten better by adding the best pitcher in the league and the Cardinals remain dangerous. There was always a chance, but it was going to be a serious uphill climb.

TheFightins, a wildly popular Phillies blog, closed earlier this year and I remember wondering if we should do the same. An "if they couldn't make it, what hope do we have?" kind of thing. We might have reached our plateau as far as traffic for a Brewers-only blog goes and the Brewers themselves looked as if they might be looking to rebuild if things didn't go their way this year, with Prince Fielder and my man crush Rickie Weeks likely moving on. Maybe it was time for me to move on too and do something else. I thought about it for about two seconds before deciding against it. I just couldn't do it. So, why does that matter now?

Because the Brewers got Zack Greinke! I mean, can you imagine? If we had decided to close this blog we'd be crawling back to you like a guy whose ex-girlfriend just got a boob job. I'd be begging to be let back into your life. BEGGING! I'd (blank) your (blank), man. I would never forgive myself for closing my Brewers blog right before the Brewers pulled off the greatest trade in the history of baseball.

On Sunday morning I woke up and did a "Zack Greinke dance" for about 15 minutes before my girlfriend threatened to record me and put it on the website. (Honestly, there is enough footage of me with my shirt off on this site.) I had to work that day, but all I wanted to do was stay home and write 3000 blog posts.

ZACK GREINKE! SERIOUSLY!

Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke Zack Greinke

I honestly can't remember being happier about a Brewers transaction in my entire life. I rank finding out the trade was official right up there with the greatest moments of my life. THANK YOU DOUG MELVIN.

Greatest moments of my life:

  1. Son being born
  2. Something involving my girlfriend*
  3. Zack Greinke becoming a Brewer

The point here is that I can't imagine what it felt like to want to close this site or to not like baseball anymore because I love this site and baseball and the Brewers more than anything in my life right now. I just want to write, watch and read about the Brewers every second of every day for the rest of my life. The Brewers are going to the World Series and then they are going to win it. We are about to see the greatest Brewers team of our lifetime. Everything that came before will seem like a joke.

Hey, 1982 what a season am I right? Yeah, what a season... FOR LOSERS! 2011 BITCHES!!!!

Remember when the Brewers traded for CC Sabathia and won the Wild Card? HAHAHA THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

Blah blah blah Pete Vuckovich, Ben Sheets, Jamie Navarro, blah blah blah. ZACK FRICKIN' GREINKE!!!!!!!!!11 *crotch chop*

This is the most wonderful time of the year.. Continue reading →


27
Oct 10

BOBBY VALENTINE TO MANAGE THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS!??!?!?!?!

What's the time? Rumor time. What's the time? Rumor time.

Despite not being known as a candidate by Tom Haudricourt until yesterday (and even then it's only because Ken Rosenthal told him) it is now rumored that Bobby Valentine will be the next manager of the Milwaukee Brewers.

Bobby Valentine, currently an ESPN analyst, has been managing since the 1980s, but is most famous for managing the Mets and his stint in Japan (they even made a movie about it). Bobby Valentine has never won his division in Major League Baseball, but he has managed to take two Wild Cards, lose a World Series and win a championship in Japan. So he's not completely incompetent. Still, his resume is far from impressive (his Mets teams predictably had large payrolls) but this has never stopped him from being the most popular managerial candidate for any managerial opening that comes up in any given season. Name a team and Bobby Valentine has been connected to it's managerial position.

At this point it's only a rumor. This time offered up by Bill Scott of the Wisconsin Radio Network (what is with these radio guys and unsubstantiated rumors?) who says that Bobby Valentine would be looking for a three year $10 million dollar contract. When reached for comment Jeff Suppan said "And I thought I was a ripoff." Seriously. THAT. IS. INSANE.

I'm on record as saying that I don't think managers make a big difference as far as game to game goes. It's important for them to manage the personalities in the clubhouse, but as far as game to game goes I don't think they do much of anything. Spending $10 million dollars on someone, money that could be better spent in the draft (where the Brewers pulled a Montgomery Burns last year) or on the team (where they need to find suitable replacements in always important underwhelming starter and past his prime closer positions), is ludicrous and I hope that they don't do it. I hope this rumor turns out to be just as false as the Bob Brenly one. Then we can write off Milwaukee radio as being just as stupid as Milwaukee newspaper. That'd be fun.

As for Valentine himself, he's probably a good manager. He'd probably do a good job. Just like anyone else he has his good qualities and his bad. Let's look at some.

  • He claims to have invented the wrap sandwich, choosing to ignore thousands of years of Mexican eating habits.
  • He once came back to the dugout wearing a fake mustache after being ejected. Fake mustaches, much like exposed cleavage, is always okay in my book.
  • He actually thought this out loud on TV despite it making zero sense:
    After a very well executed sacrifice bunt by Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster, Valentine spews out a pseudo-statistic, commenting that a pitcher who bunts well can improve his record by four games -- "changing a 8-8 record into 12-6".
    Uhh, yeah.
  • Along with Tom Selleck, Brad Pitt and David Letterman; Valentine is a Sigma Chi.
  • And then there is that whole Whartongate thing.

I don't think Bobby Valentine is the right guy for this team. He wants too much money, he loves media attention too much and he's shown a history to not get along with either his players or his management. Also, he wants ten million dollars.

NEXT!