05
Sep 12

Goodbye 60 percent of readers see you next spring

Well it's that time of the year. Summer is over, the kids are back to school, it's starting to get cold out and the leaves are turning a different color. Shorts are out and pants are in. Sweatshirts are necessary at night and soon they will be all day. Then it'll be coats and boots and scarves because winter is right around the corner. The happy fun times of summer are over and everyone is really, really happy about it. Wait, what?!

Oh, but it's football season you see. Baseball is winding down and the Brewers are out of it so who cares anyways? IT'S PACKERS TIME D00DZ! PACK ATTACK! PACK ATTACK! FOOTBAW! FOOTBAW! FOOTBAW! I LOVE FOOTBALL, ERON ROGDERS AND TWINZ

Look, I'm not here to hate on football. I am in three fantasy football leagues this season ($300!) and now I am going to tell you all about them for the next 2000 words. Just kidding I wouldn't do that to you (but seriously I am going to win all three.) I also really like to gamble on football (read: pay someone money to let me become overly invested in a single game's outcome only to ultimately be disappointed when some idiot coach kicks a field goal because of sportsmanship) and have no issue spending my Saturdays on the couch watching as many college football games as I can. Football is cool and all that, but maybe we should relax a bit about it? I mean, it's cool but not that cool. Continue reading →


03
Aug 12

Chikara is the greatest thing ever and you should go see it in Milwaukee on 8/17

I love wrestling very, very much. When I was 16 I saved up money and flew to Philadelphia by myself where I attended an ECW show at the ECW Arena. I went with a guy I met on the internet and stayed in a hotel with him. After the show we had breakfast at Denny's with D-Von Dudley, Jason and Chastity. No, really, that happened. It was a great time. Last year I went to Wrestlemania and I've said enough about that. The year before that I went to Money in the Bank and witnessed probably the greatest WWE pay-per-view of all time where CM Punk shocked the world by walking out with the WWE title. I've been to Raw, Nitro, ECW, Ring of Honor and some weird thing at a local high school gym that was headlined by Steve Austin's "brother" Rick Austin, but of all the wrestling events I've ever been to the very best is Chikara pro wrestling. Other shows might have had better matches or bigger stars, but it was at Chikara that I've had the most fun. It was at Chikara that I never stopped smiling. It was always Chikara that I loved the most.

So what is Chikara? Well.... Continue reading →


01
Aug 12

AJ Lee: A GIF Appreciation

My love of pro wrestling is no secret. I went to Wrestlemania last year and I am going again this year. I'm going to Chikara in two weeks. I'm wearing a Colt Cabana t-shirt right now. I've made two awkward appearance on TH's The Wrestling Podcast. It's just my thing. I always have and always will love this stupid deal where people pretend to fight and put oil all over their bodies. I just love it.

Because of this I often find myself falling in love with the girls on the screen. She likes wrestling and she is attractive? Sign me up! Last summer my dad and I went to Chikara in Chicago and after watching Sara Del Rey kick the living shit out of Icarus I could tell he had a bit of a crush going on. Which was weird because I didn't want to have to fight my own dad to the death over her. When I was in high school and starting to figure out that boobs were the best thing in the world, WWE gave me Sable who had enormous fake ones that she had no problem showing me. It was love at first breast. Then they followed her with Trish Stratus who made me fall in love all over again and still does a little bit. Then Stacy Keibler who is hot enough for George Clooney so like really hot. Then Melina whose entrance made me somewhat uncomfortable (in a good way.) Then Maryse who was hot until I found out she was banging The Miz. (Seriously, I'd rather be with someone that had face herpes than someone The Miz touched.) All these girls with many in between have made me continually have crushes/infatuations with the women involved in professional wrestling.

Here's the thing though. They are all pretty girls, but at the same time they are "wrestling pretty." Much like a stripper seems pretty because she is taking her clothes off a lot of these girls seem prettier just because they are on a wrestling show. You guys remember that period where WWE convinced us that Chyna was really hot and she did two Playboys? Yeah, WWE (and plastic surgery) convinced us that THIS was really hot. I used to think Francine was gorgeous and she's really not (see if you can guess why I thought that.) That's what I'm talking about. This isn't a knock on the women at all. They are pretty girls who could probably kick my ass, but if you stand 98% of them next to Alison Brie or Anne Hathaway they look homely. A pretty girl in something you like looks 1000% prettier than if she was in something you didn't like. Look at Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Pretty? Yes. omg da prettiest girl ever? No, but don't tell that to some Battlestar fanboys. It's just the way it is. Why do you think I hook up with so many ugly girls in Rickie Weeks jerseys? Our mind plays tricks on us sometimes.

AJ changed all of that because AJ is not only the prettiest girl to ever grace a wrestling ring. Continue reading →


19
Apr 12

The Best Milwaukee Brewers Blog In The World

Miller Park Drunk is the Shepherd Express 2012 Winner for Best Sports Blog.

I got the invite in the mail to this party while I was in Miami for Wrestlemania. I read it, decided not to go and then I didn't really think about it again until yesterday when Tyler asked me if I wanted to go to the party, you know, just in case we won. Again, I decided not to go and instead we went to a Brewers game. The truth is I didn't want to go. I just had all these thoughts running through my head about it.
Do I have to bring a date? Who would that be? What? No, not her. Oh, like you've never slept over at a girl's house and been woken up by her kid. Shut up.
What if I didn't win, wouldn't that be a colossal waste of time? What if I did win? Would I have to give a speech? Would my speech get me laid by my date? Who is that going to be again? What if my speech sucked and I didn't get laid?

It just seemed like too much of a hassle for a web award, honestly. Who cares right? I don't need any validation, I'm a man! Well, today I found out that we won and I was surprised at just how happy it made me.

Look, I know in the grand scheme of things that this award doesn't really mean anything. It definitely doesn't mean that this blog is "better" than any of the other blogs out there or that I am an amazing writer. (To be fair, I am.) It just means that people like reading this thing and I think that's pretty cool. I've been calling this "the best Milwaukee Brewers blog in the world" for awhile now, but that was mostly just pro-wrestling style posturing. The fact that some people actually believe that in real life is a pretty cool thing and I really do appreciate that. I'll try to update more just for you guys. How does twice a month sound?

Okay, I guess this is the part where I thank people. I'd like to thank the rest of Team MPD which is basically just Tyler and Steph. I think you two are really cool and funny so when you two tell me how cool and funny you think I am I believe it. You should tell me that more often actually. That one time just isn't cutting it. I'd like to thank Ryan Braun for giving me so much material to work with, but then testing positive for something and forcing me to re-evaluate my feelings on him thus giving me even more material. All our best posts are about you, buddy. I'd like to thank Prince Fielder for doing that McDonalds commercial as a kid. I'd like to thank Doug and Mark for putting together a team that is so worthwhile to write about. If this was a Pirates blog I would have gave up a long time ago. (Remember when I did that Bucks blog for like a week? lol.) I'd like to thank the state of Wisconsin for being the best state in the world and, of course, I'd like to thank all of the readers.

Thanks to those of you who comment on stuff we do. Like Tuco who actually wrote the sentence "Vince is a kinder gentler human these days" in my defense and apparently meant it or SconnieGirl808 who I have been missing lately. I read every comment and I appreciate all of them. Thanks to the person on reddit who said I was a great guy. (Seriously, where do you guys get this from?) Thanks to all my people on twitter. I did twitter for awhile and thought it was stupid, but ever since the playoffs last year I can't quit you. You make watching a baseball game alone at home on my laptop fun. An additional thanks goes out to the twitter people for getting @millerparkdrunk to trend in Milwaukee during Braun's speech in spring training. That was neat! (I think.) Thanks to the other blogs who shout out to us and do the real analysis so we can do that thing we do. Let me know if you ever want to get weird. Thanks to everyone who came to the Pants Party two years ago and everyone who is going to come to this year's party (COMING SOON I PROMISE.) It was fun doing keg stands in my boxers with you guys. Just thanks to everyone who likes this. Seriously, thanks I mean it.

Finally, I'd like to thank the team of programmers who created the program that voted for this site more than any other. No way we could have won this award without you!

Alright, that's all I got. Real posts coming soon.


29
Mar 12

Are We There Yet?

I love baseball, but I hate spring training.

To a lot of people baseball begins when the pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Some people even make the pilgrimage down to Arizona to watch the games. Other people like to post play-by-play of every spring training "game" on twitter like it's game six of the World Series. I am not one of these people. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging these people. Baseball season doesn't start for me until after Wrestlemania so who the hell am I to talk?)

The thing about spring training is that it's not really baseball. In baseball there are two teams that want to win that each make strategic moves in an attempt to make that goal a reality. In spring training there are a few guys who want to do good because this might be their only chance to impress, a few guys who waited to long to get into shape, a few guys who want to get laid by some MILFs in the stands and the rest of the team just wants it to be over with already. And you know those guys that you want to see? The stars? The good players? They are in the last two categories, not the first two. I love the Milwaukee Brewers, but watching them play spring training is the absolute worst. I'd rather watch a Batman themed gay porn with Alfred and Robin doing bondage.

(I am going to get so many weird Google search hits from that line.)

Continue reading →

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