02
Aug 10

The Milwaukee Brewers didn’t make any deadline trades and re-signed Corey Hart and that’s okay with me

I have been prepared for the Milwaukee Brewers to trade Prince Fielder and Corey Hart for a solid two months now. Heck, I've already written a goodbye to Corey Hart. While trading our two most valuable assets may have seemed like a great idea on paper (we could get Wade Davis, Matt Cain, Gordon Beckham and Daniel Hudson!) I can't help but to agree with the non-move the front office made. As Disciples of Uecker noted the players teams got in return for their players were terribly unfavorable. It was a buyer's market as evidenced by my favorite summation of a deadline trade by KenTremendous:

So, Yankees get Berkman, Astros pay his salary and get nothing in return. That seems like a good deal for Houston. Well done.

"We want Montero for Berkman." "How about we give you nothing and you give us four million dollars and Berkman." "Even better!"

Teams simply weren't trading their pitching prospects, at least the ones we wanted, and if they weren't going to do that there was no point in trading anyone. Nobody got desperate, so nobody got traded. It's as simple as that. Prince and Corey stay. We like those dudes so we're happy. (We're also happy because we kind of called it.)

Then, in the most surprising news of the year, the Brewers signed Corey Hart to a three year contract extension. It's shocking to see his transition from "mostly pointless" to total elation, but there it is. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Continue reading →


12
Jan 10

Gender roles in modern society (the one where we talk about banging a Brewer)

I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Continue reading →


22
Dec 09

YOU ARE A SELLOUT MIKE RIVERA AND I HATE YOU

MIKE RIVERA SELLOUTSometimes I wonder why I even watch this god awful sport. The World Series champion New York Yankees, the richest team in any sport that have a value almost 5x that of the Milwaukee Brewers, have stolen another one from the poor, stupid teams like us. Mike Rivera has signed with the New York Yankees and I think we all know what this one was about. These stupid baseball players, all they care about is money! You know it's not enough to offer a major league job and a nice city to play in, these greedy a-holes want more. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! Why do I even bother to follow this team? Why do I even write this stupid blog? I mean, it's not like the players care! Nooooooo, they just go to whoever offers them the most money. Mike Rivera doesn't care if I get diagnosed with a life threatening disease and the only thing that can cure me is him re-signing with the Brewers, all he cares about is padding his wallet! NEW YORK NEW YORK! THE CITY THAT NEVER F'N SLEEPS! WHERE MONEY RAINS FROM THE SKY AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST IN 400 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES! Man, screw New York. Seriously, New York you can f right off.

It's just sad, you know, that a small market team like the Brewers can't compete dollar for dollar with a team like the Yankees. Kids grow up rooting for their heroes, but as soon as their heroes become free agents they leave the kids behind. (It's just like my parents divorce really.) Whatever. CONGRATULATIONS MIKE RIVERA I hope you are happy to know that you have ruined my Christmas with your evil, greedy ways. The Mike Rivera jersey I got from Santa is now kindling in my fire! Thanks for nothing, JERK!

EDIT: It appears that Mike Rivera was actually non-tendered by the Brewers who didn't want him back and he signed a minor league deal with the Yankees. So, sorry about that Mike. I take it back.


18
Dec 09

Brewers conference call

Hey, just because the season is over and the Brewers aren't able to hang out doesn't mean that they don't talk every once in awhile. In fact, I have it on good authority that a few members of the team get together every month and engage in a conference call just to catch up on what's going on with their lives. What a team of great guys! Being THE inside source for Brewers clubhouse news I was allowed to sit in on the latest clubhouse conference call and transcribe it for you gentle readers! Get excited! Continue reading →


15
Dec 09

Welcome to Boston Mike Cameron

redsoxfanIn case you haven't heard the best team in baseball have signed Mike Cameron in a wicked pissa deal to be their newest future Hall of Famah, that totally locks up the 2010 championship. Ya frickin' douchebag of a editah was too busy cryin' in his beer cheese soup to update today so he ask me ta do it. And lemme tell ya, I haven't been this excited since the Sawks won the Series. Mike Cameron is a killa ballplayah and the smahtest fans in baseball will appreciate him way moah than you Milwaukee loozahs.

This move couldn't have come at a bettah time to furtha establish Boston's dominance over all tha othah cities. The Pats are cruising their way to anothah playoffs,  just playing coy until the time is right to take down Peyton Manning and the Colts. The Celtics have won eleven in a row and probably won't lose evah again. Da Broons are dominatin' the NHL like the glory days of Bobby Orr. The Sawks adding Cameron is the perfect toppah to what looks to be another championship year for the greatest city in America, Baston Mass! Continue reading →

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