Yesterday I had my first softball game of the season. It was a win for The People's Champs so that was nice, but words can't really describe how tired and sore I am. Maybe I should re-think this whole Miller Park Drunk, drinking beer and eating delicious foods lifestyle (pause for laughter). Yesterday was a pretty big day for me, but it really pales in comparison to the day of Ryan Braun.
Ryan Braun: Well I am off to the doctor for my MRI now.
20 minutes later...
DOCTOR: Ryan, there is nothing wrong with you.
Ryan Braun: Yay!
DOCTOR: In fact you are a perfect human being. You are what Hitler had in mind when he seeked to create a super-race, which is ironic because..
Ryan Braun: Sorry Doc, can't talk. I have to get to Pittsburgh.
/gets into car
Ryan Braun: Oh no I need gas.
/stops at gas station
GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Don't worry Mister Braun, this one's on me!
Ryan Braun: Sweet!
/drives down the block, a mad woman runs up to his car
MAD WOMAN: My baby! My baby! Someone save my baby!
/runs into burning house
/arrives at airport and gets on the plane
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: For your in flight movie we will be showing The Goonies.
Ryan Braun: Yeah!
Two hours later..
/checks cellphone, 1 new text message
DIGITAL KEN MACHA: we r down 2 we need u k? lol ttyl
Ryan Braun: I don't think he knows what lol means.
/arrives at ballpark instantaneously
/dresses in a matter of seconds
/hits game-tying double