09
May 11

Go see Zack Greinke dummies Brewers vs Padres series preview [ad]

This past week has SUCKED. All these losses, people getting hurt, Zack Greinke's debut killing my fantasy team, Nyjer Morgan lasting like one at bat before going back on the DL, Christian losing the title, Craig Counsell's Superman at-bat being wasted, Mark Kotsay playing in real games, having my tooth pulled costing four hundred dollars, pink bats and everything else have led to one of the more disappointing weeks in recent Brewers memory. (Note: My recent Brewers memory stopped at some point in 2009.)

None of that matters now. All of those bad things, the Brewers current record and everything that happened before today does not matter. As far as I'm concerned the season starts tonight with the Miller Park debut of Zack Greinke. His arrival is the reason we believed in this team, the reason people picked the Brewers for the World Series and the reason we never gave up on them despite the fact that the frickin' Pirates have a better record than them right now. Tonight is the night that it all begins. Forget Opening Day, this is the real beginning of the season. Continue reading →


25
Mar 11

Your 2011 Awesomely Bad Milwaukee Brewers jokes

Who doesn't like a good pun? More importantly, who doesn't love a bad pun?

Baseball can be kind of a boring game in between all the really exciting things that happen. There is a lot of time for conversation and with conversation comes jokes. Good jokes, dirty jokes and most of all bad jokes will be strewn across Miller Park this year more than Miller Lites. You will hear a lot of jokes at the park this year, but almost none of them will be good. You have to learn to expect them so that you aren't caught off guard by them. You need to be prepared for the polite laugh you are sure to give the co-worker you don't really like that much or the lonely uncle who offered to buy your ticket. Luckily for you, we have the inside track on the hottest bad jokes for 2011. We can see them coming before the bad joke teller can and we're going to share them with you right here. Preparation is the key to success. Or something. Continue reading →


10
Mar 11

A Guide to Recognizing Your Brewer Injuries

This week we all learned about Zack Greinke's basketball related injury that will keep him out for 4-6 weeks and delay his Brewers debut by a few weeks. It isn't the end of the world, but at the same it's not exactly what we had in mind for our new superstar and it sucks. What sucks even more is that Zack Greinke isn't the only Milwaukee Brewer currently experiencing an injury. In fact, there are quite a few of them and it's getting to the point where it's hard to keep up with all of them. That's why we decided to do the Milwaukee Brewers Universe a favor and create a comprehensive guide to all the aches and pains currently ailing the home town team. What can we say? We aim to please. Continue reading →


08
Mar 11

Milwaukee Brewers learn that white men can’t jump the hard way

Zack Greinke hasn't looked good thus far in his first spring training with the Milwaukee Brewers. I figured this was because it was spring training and it doesn't really matter, but unfortunately that wasn't the case and he has actually been nursing a rib injury since the beginning of spring training. How was the rib injury sustained, you ask? Was he signing too many autographs for his new Brewers fans? No. Was he working out extra hard to get back into Cy Young award winning form for his new team? No. Was he doing an extreme version of the Zack Greinke dance? Sadly, no.

No, Zack Greinke got his rib injury playing basketball. Going for a rebound. For real. I'm not kidding. Our savior thinks he's Tom frickin' Gugliotta.

To make matters worse "rib injury" is actually a poor way to describe what Zack Greinke is suffering with because he actually has a BROKEN RIB and a CRACKED RIB. You know, no big deal. It's not like pitchers need their ribs or anything. It's only the worst news to ever happen in the history of baseball. Continue reading →


10
Feb 11

2011 Milwaukee Brewers Bobbleheads: No Gallardo, lots of grit (and white people)

The Milwaukee Brewers recently released their 2011 promotional schedule and along with it came the announcement of who would be getting a bobblehead. There are a few surprises, Randy Wolf when almost everyone thought his signing was a bust (it wasn't, but that's the belief out there) is one great example, but no head scratchers. Unless you count Craig Counsell who had a OPS+ of 76 last year and hasn't once been a starting player unless there was an injury, but there are reasons for him beyond statistics. There are reasons for everyone really.

Date Bobblehead Expected Reason
April 24 John Axford Doug Melvin's rule that at least one Canadian get a bobblehead. Also, white.
May 22 Casey McGehee JS MVP, white.
June 12 Zack Greinke Duh.
July 10 Hot Dog Whitest of all racing sausages.
August 14 Craig Counsell Is named Craig Counsell. Also, white.
September 25 Randy Wolf Brewers had to get their $30 million worth somehow. Also, white.

A lot of people have a problem with these selections because there is a disturbing lack of the "good" Brewers. No Prince or Braun for the 85th time, no Rickie Weeks or Corey Hart who had huge seasons last year and no Yovani Gallardo who has actually never had a bobblehead made in his likeness by the Milwaukee Brewers. It's weird right? It reminds of 2009 when Jason Kendall got one over Mike Cameron despite being worse in every way. To find the answer I went to another blogger who seems to be an expert in these things. I use the term "blogger" lightly because his blog isn't actually up yet and he only has a twitter account, but on this particular topic I think he knows his stuff. So take it away, KuKluxBrewKrew. Continue reading →